Page 63 of Not Until I Found You

The storm outside doesn’t feel nearly as loud as the one unfolding between us. Over the last several weeks, I’ve realized that what I wanted from Derek was never perfection. It wasn’t grand gestures or expensive dinners or a carefully planned future. I wanted to be myself and for him to choose me above everything else.

Somewhere along the way, I started believing I needed to earn his affection by becoming whatever he needed me to be. But with Zane, he’s never asked me to be anything other than myself. He listens when I’m hurting. Sits with me when I don’t have the words. Encourages my dreams without trying to reshape them into something that fits his own plans.

Little by little, without even realizing it, he’s helped me believe there’s never been anything wrong with me to begin with. This summer was supposed to be about healing, figuring out who I am, and relearning how to stand on my own again. Somehow, Zane has become part of that journey without ever trying to.

I reach for his hand, threading my fingers through his. Before I can second-guess myself, I tug gently, drawing him closer. He stiffens hesitantly, and my chest tightens with the realization of how badly I need him. I need his arms around me, to hold me.

I look at his lips before searching his eyes for the answer. Finally, he slowly wraps his arms around me and brings me toward him. Relief floods through me as I bury my face into his shoulder. I breathe him in while his hand traces slow, steady circles against my back.

I let myself have this, only for a moment, and lean into the comfort of being held by someone who understands me. My eyes sting unexpectedly, because this is what I’ve been missing…being seen, accepted, and cared for. But that’s also what makes the realization so dangerous.

My grip tightens against his shirt, because if I’m honest with myself, I don’t only want this hug. I want more. I want the version of life that keeps appearing whenever I picture my future. And lately, Zane’s been a part of it. The thought sends panic skittering through me. I pull back, just enough to look down at the space between us.

This is exactly how people get hurt. Mistaking comfort for something lasting. I need to remind myself that I’ve been here before. I’ve let myself fall for someone before knowing where I stood. I don’t trust myself not to do it again, not with Zane.

I came here to learn how to stand on my own. The whole plan was to have a summer to help out my brother, try to fix things with Dad, while remembering who I was before Derek decided who I should be. I needed to return home steadier than I left. Not to fall into a new relationship before I’ve even healed from the last one.

Chapter Fifteen

Zane

“Remind me again why we let you pick the trail?” Wren calls from behind me, her voice laced with accusation.

The path we’re on narrows as it winds deeper into the woods, and I glance over my shoulder before replying, “Because I have superior navigation skills.”

“I doubt that…since we’re lost,” she shoots back.

“That’s a wild accusation.”

Beside me, Maxinne lets out a soft laugh. A loose braid drapes over her shoulder, strands of brown hair framing her face. I smile at her proudly, because she’s slowly becoming a pro at hiking.

She’s dressed for the trails in fitted shorts, a simple tank, and boots laced tight. There’s a faint flush to her cheeks from the incline, and I have to force my attention back to the trail before I trip over something. Her beauty has distracted me the entire hike.

“I don’t know, man. We’ve been walking uphill for the last twenty minutes.” Ashton lets out a low chuckle from behind us.

“It’s called elevation gain,” I add, ducking under a low-hanging limb and brushing it aside so Maxinne can pass. “It’s part of the experience.”

“The experience of dying?” Wren pants.

I glance over my shoulder, walking backward for a few steps to face them both. Wren’s cheeks are flushed, red hair sticking to her temples, and looks about two seconds away from mutiny. Ashton seems unfazed by this hike, even though he’s complained the entire time.

Maxinne snorts under her breath, her shoulder brushing mine as she steps past me. “You both did say you wanted an adventure today.”

Behind us, Wren groans dramatically, and Ashton mutters something about turning back. A bead of sweat slides down the back of my neck, and I swipe at it absently as we step over a stretch of exposed roots.

The air is thick and muggy but not as suffocating as it could be. Last night’s storm knocked the edge off the heat, leaving everything damp and heavy instead of blazing. Honestly, I expected the trail to be a lot worse. There’s been a few fallen branches and debris here and there in our path, but other than that, things are clear.

Ashton called Maxinne early, looking for a reason to get out of the house before the work week started breathing down our necks again. She mentioned our planned hike and invited him and Wren along, who she’s made friends with, apparently. I’m not going to lie, I was looking forward to having this time alone with Maxinne, showing her one of my favorite spots in Covewood, but if having Ashton and Wren here makes her happy, I don’t mind.

“You holding up, alright?” I ask Maxinne.

“Mm,” she hums, nodding. “I think so.”

“’I think so’ doesn’t sound convincing.”

She exhales a small laugh. “I’m not used to this kind of heat.”

“Welcome to Kentucky in June.”