Page 187 of Keldori By Daybreak

“He’s not a killer,” I said.

“Except that he killed a man and fed him to his onchú.”

“He saved me, and his onchú saw free food and took advantage of the situation.”

“I know, I know.” Orla shook her head. “I’m sorry. It’s just—it’s always death, you know? I spent years thinking Ferrin killing the Grimguards had been good. I thought they’d killed my mother and our Sovereign. Killing was good if a friend did it for a good reason. But then Ferrin—you know. And now, it’s just hard to see the positive. Even when it was done for a good reason. Even if it means you’re alive. I know you must think me weak or stupid, but killing is just so… permanent. And I know we have to kill Ferrin. I know that. And I’m not mad that Ciarán killed a corrupt guard to keep him from killing you. If it means you are alive, then I’m glad it happened. But it still makes me sad that death is the only solution sometimes, and I don’t see why those two feelings can’t both exist.”

I wanted to hug her, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. If she was upset about Ciarán killing the guard, she’d consider what I’d done to Ergoth damn near genocide.

“I don’t think you’re weak,” I said. “Or stupid.”

“Please don’t placate me,” she whispered. “I know it’s dumb. How could it not be? I should be thanking Ciarán for saving your life. Instead I'm making myself miserable thinking about the mortality of evil people.”

“I’m not placating you,” I said. “I think Skalterra is a brutal place. I feel it making me more brutal. Every day I spend here, I change a little bit more. But you’ve lived here your whole life, and it can’t touch you. It can’t dull your kindness or your empathy.”

“Some people would call that naivety.”

“Those people would be wrong. You’re gentle. I wish I could be gentle too.”

“I should be happy that Ciarán killed the guard if it saved your life.”

“No. You shouldn’t.” I grabbed her hand. “I’m happy I’m alive. I’m happy Ciarán was there. I’m happy Una made the best of it. But I’m not happy it happened.”

Orla sighed and leaned forward against her knees. “I’m ready for the killing to be over.”

“It will be. It’ll all be over soon. We’ll be safe in Keldori.”

“Will we be?” She raised an eyebrow. “We’ll seal the Rift. My uncle will try to open it again. He can reach us in Keldori as a Nightmare. He’ll hunt us as long as he’s alive. The killing can’t be over until Ferrin is dead. That’s the cold truth of it.”

“Sorcha will send warriors to take care of him,” I assured her. “Sabrina, probably, and I’m sure there’s others who will join her. We won’t have to worry about Ferrin forever.”

“That doesn’t make me feel better, Wren.” She sighed and stood up. “It still ends with my uncle dead, and I’m sure if my brother gets in the way, they’ll kill him too. My entire family will be gone, and it’ll all be my uncle’s own fault. I should be angry, but there’s just too much sadness in the way.”

“Orla—” I reached for her, but she drew away.

“I’ll be okay,” she said. “I’m not mad at you anymore, but that doesn’t make any of this any easier.”

“It’s hard for all of us.”

“I know.” She forced a sad smile. “But you need to sleep. Like you said. It’ll all be over soon. Rest so we can finish this.”

She crossed the deck to the ladder that led to the lower cabins, and I watched her short hair ruffle in the sea breeze as she looked up at the blue and white sky before climbing down and out of sight.

“She is naive, by the way.” Ciarán’s voice slipped through my head, and I twisted to look at him where he pretended to sleep. He opened his eyes slowly. He’d dulled the usual glow of his irises to keep Davyn and his crew from asking questions.

“You’re awake.” I lay back against Una on my side so that I was facing him. “How do you feel?”

“Annoyed.”

That was true. His irritation for Orla sang on the tether between us like a violin bow dragged across a discordant string.

But underneath the vibrato of annoyance, quiet fear roiled.

I reached for the hem of his tunic. He let me pull it up, but bandages still covered his skin.

“I’ll be fine,” he said. He put his hand over mine, and while the tunic fell back into place, he held my palm against his chest. “We do need to have a serious talk about your arm strength though. Absolutely terrible.”

I yanked my hand away and gave his shoulder a shove. “You leave my arms alone.”