Page 62 of Yours on the Canvas

“Then we stop him.” Eli’s voice trembles now. My chest tightens at the sound, and tears slide down my face as he watches me with a sad smile. “We stop him, Jack.”

“He will retaliate,” I say, shaking my head.

Eli frowns. “Retaliate?”

“They don’t like to lose. They don’t let people take what they think is theirs. If Ray thinks Hale belongs to him, they’ll come and they will take him. If Ray thinks Silas is interfering, he’ll just come back harder, or will kill Silas. And I won’t survive if that happens.”

“Jack, ,my lumberjack, CJ, Silas, they will stop him. I mean, shit, Callan will have him in his scope the second he comes near you.”

I huff at that. Almost a laugh. Almost a smile.

I couldn’t even save myself. I am weak and useless, the stray dog they always told me I was. Pointless and out on the street if I stepped one foot out of place.

“He already did, Finn. He stood in front of me and looked me in the eyes. They called me Jackie.”

Finn’s face twists in disgust. Eli’s hand lands on my hands and I flinch at the touch, but I force myself to keep still.

“I can still hear their voices. I can still feel the terror when they walked into the house. I can still feel every beating, every time they locked me in the closet. Every time they chained me to the bed and hit me with the strap or whip.” Tears fall freely, landing on my lap. Eli hands me a tissue, and I rub it wipe my eyes and nose and hold the crumpled ball tight in my hand.

“I can still feel the blood that dripped from my cuts. How am I supposed to believe after all of that that I am safe? That Hale and Silas are safe? That you’re safe?”

I sit up again because I can’t stay still. I need to move, to burn off the static under my skin.

I rip the wires off my chest and finger, shoving the blankets away as I stand. The hospital room is too bright, the light hitting my eyes like knives, and i can feel the walls start to press in, shrinking, tightening, squeezing the air out of my lungs.

I can’t breathe.

My hand claws at my hair. My other hand scratches the back of my neck, nails digging in until I feel the sting, and my panic increases as I feel my throat close, sealing tight.

My feet carry me as I pace, fast and frantic, like the stray dog they always told me I was.

My throat is raw and thick with tears as one name drags out of me. “Sol…” His name uttered on a sound that barely exists.

Eli steps in front of me, blocking my path. “Jack. Look at me. You have to breathe.”

I shake my head as tears run hot down my cheeks. My knees give out, and I drop to the floor. Pain shoots up through my knees, sharp and blinding, as my palms slap onto the cold floor. Fuck.

I need to breathe. I can’t breathe.

“Jack?” Finn’s voice trembles as he kneels beside Eli. “Jack, please breathe. Listen to Eli. You have to breathe.”

A groan tears from my throat. My body starts rocking, slow and mechanical, like something inside me has taken over.

Eli reaches out.

His fingers brush my shoulder.

The touch burns, and I flinch so hard I throw myself backward until my spine hits the metal frame of the bed.

“Nn… No!” I scream, as my body convulses uncontrollably as the terror starts to flood every part of my body. Everything I’ve been holding back since I ran from my dad and uncle hits me at once, completely dragging me under.

It feels like quick sand. Slow at first, then fast. There is no rope to pull me out, no hands to save me. No voice. No Silas to ground me. There is nothing that will get me out of this paralysing fear.

The room fades as the light blurs. My body feels far away, like it belongs to someone else. My fingers twitch against the cold floor, the bed hard against my back, and I feel none of it.

My breathing is now in a rhythm I can’t control.

My mind now is dragging me back to that dark place I used to hide when they locked me away. The place where I counted scratches on the wall and tried to pretend my body wasn’t mine.