Page 64 of Yours on the Canvas

Darkness threatens to engulf me again, but my chest seizes, I can’t. It won’t let me. I feel like I’m drowning as my throat burns as I try to drag in air, my vision blurring again.

“Fuck this.” Silas shifts closer, pulling me into his lap. His arms wrap around me tight, almost painful, his forehead touches my temple, as his hand stays on my cheek, warm and grounding.

“Jack.”

Silas’ tone changes. It drops low, steady, controlled. The kind of voice that cuts through the noise. It’s his tone that has pulled me out of nightmares and put me into my sub-space. My place where I’m safe with him.

It hits something deep inside me, something old.

Something trained.

Something that still reacts before I can think.

My body obeys him. It always does when he uses that tone, and I gulp for a breath, and a sharp, jagged painful sound tears from my lungs. My eyes still locked on Silas’ face; I see relief flicker across his face.

“That is it, baby,” he murmurs. “Good. Try another breath. Stay with me.”

His lips brush mine again, soft and steady, and I feel him. My fingers twitch and Finn squeezes my wrist tightly.

Eli wipes his face, still whispering my name. My hand stays on his chest, but all I see is Silas.

“Jack,” Silas says again. “Breathe, baby. Give me another one.”

That tone again, and my body obeys, and I drag in another breath.

Then another.

My lungs fight, but they open slowly. My body shakes violently, but I’m breathing.

Silas exhales slowly, his breath ghosting across my skin. His shoulders drop as I feel the tension bleed out of him.

“There you are, dove.” His voice is soft. “Good boy.”

My vision clears enough to see him fully. His eyes are red. His face is tight with a fear he is trying to hide. His hand still holds my cheek. His lips barely touch mine.

I swallow hard, my voice barely a rasp. “Sol.”

He nods, “Hey, dove…“ His eyes softening even more. “I am here.”

I turn my body, completely curled into him. I shift my shaking hand toward him. It’s small, weak, barely a movement, but he sees it. He kisses me, gentle pressure, grounding warmth, and I breathe him in, as his lips stay touching mine.

My breath mingles with his, and I pull his breath into me, and my lungs move again, and this time– they keep going.

Finn wipes his face with his sleeve, and I hear Eli let out a shaky exhale. Silas doesn’t move, his forehead staying pressed against mine, our breath mingling as I pull life back into my lungs.

“You are okay,” he whispers. “I’ve got you.”

And for the first time since the paralysis hit, I believe my Sol.

* * *

I wake slowly, the world soft around the edges, my body heavy in that familiar way it always is after I crash.

It feels like I’ve been asleep for days, dragged through mud, then beaten with a heavy bat.

But, I’m warm, and my breathing is steady.

Then I feel him.