Page 13 of Falling for the Hotshot

“Thanks for the update, Stephanie. Same time tomorrow?” I laughed, feeling like everything was going to be okay.

“I’ll be here. And since we’re just getting to know each other, I want you to know that I’m retiring soon. Do you like horses?” Stephanie and I had a few more minutes of chatter over the radio before signing off until my evening check-in. I was a little disappointed that she was retiring, but with so much in her life to look forward to, I was really happy for her. My stomach growled, and I went to my makeshift pantry area.

There was a small, built-in table with a short, narrow fridge that was also powered by the solar setup. Inside was a tiny shelf where I was able to put some leftovers from yesterday's cooking excursion. I wasn’t sure how big the fridge would be, so I didn’t bring much that needed to be kept in there, except for a block of sharp cheddar cheese. For good measure, I also included a large jar of pickles. I took out some of my crackers and made a small charcuterie selection, along with some sliced jerky and two bottles of water. Something about being this high up made me really thirsty all day long. As I enjoyed the food, I found myself reaching for my phone again and again, before remembering that it was off. My thoughts wandered in places I wouldn’t normally let them, like to Ray, and I wondered what he would think of me now.

*****

The days started trickling by, and before I knew it, a month had gone by. It was almost late August. Summer storms came that felt like hurricanes, had high winds and large white lightning bolts that would turn the whole night sky purple, and brought little moisture with them. I considered if I had electricity, several times now, it would have gone out. After each of these events, I braced myself for smoke. I expected fire. The drought conditions were worsening every day, and the oppressive heat was increasing.

My days had a rhythm to them. My grief was passing by the second. I found myself looking forward to my check-ins with Stephanie, and most importantly, I found myself back in the Word. God was finally able to reach me here, away from the noise. And other than my first morning waking up in the tower, it had been an uneventful month in the lookout tower.

It was about time for my first restock of supplies. Kerry had radioed to me that someone would be picking me up at eight in the morning to drive to the nearest store, like we had discussed. In honor of the occasion, I had taken extra time to shower that morning and properly brush my hair, which I hadn’t done very well on most days up here. It’s not that I didn’t care, but there was just no one to impress. Not even myself, with how small the mirror was.

I grabbed the two hiking poles that were hanging from a hook at the bottom of the tower and made my descent down the hill that was challenging to navigate in parts. What I assumed would take me ten minutes actually took me twenty, but I also credited that extra amount of time to the fact that I thought at any moment, a grizzly bear might have jumped out at me, and to prevent this, I had to sing them all away.

I was on my third chorus of “Jesus Loves Me” when a squirrel came running out from behind a bush. I screamed, thinking it was some sort of rabid creature that might be headed straight for my ankles, like a senior chihuahua that is deaf, blind, and has two teeth. But I thought my screaming scared him just as much, and he tore back into the bush.

Finally, I made it down, unscathed. I was waiting down at the bottom of the hill when she pulled up. I saw her truck coming around the bend of the road. I waved, looking forward to telling her about my first month in the lookout, except when the truck arrived, it wasn’t Kerry. It was a man.

“Autumn? I’m Don. Kerry is down at dispatch this morning, training my nephew on the ropes.” I didn’t think much of it as Don explained where Kerry was. Don was very kind and opened the door of his truck for me. We had a great chat all the way to the store, to which I found myself talking his ear off.

“And then lighting shot down right in front of my windows! Had there been a tree there, it would have split. I’m serious, it was THAT close!” Don was laughing in my excitement and shared a few stories of his own. Before I knew it, we were at the store.

I ran in and grabbed what items I needed. I got twice as much water as before, a variety of chocolate covered almonds and cashews, jerky, crackers and all of the canned goods that I enjoyed eating right out of their containers with a spoon, like a barbarian. Once in the seasonal aisle, I added pumpkin-flavored Madeline cookies, a tantalizing apple chutney spread for my multi-seed crackers, and a large block of cranberry goat cheese. The same brand that they carried back at Fairy Falls Grocery. If only they sold a pumpkin trifle, I thought. But then, I took a chance and walked past the bakery, and my eyes landed on a sparkling clear glass case that was stocked to the brim with fall treats. I couldn’t resist.

On my way to the register, I passed a stand stocked with sunglasses, and it had a large mirror. Something I had been avoiding, but I hesitated and walked closer. I took in my reflection.

My red hair looked wild and untamed, but fuller. A gentle wave to the ends gave it life. Lightened ever so slightly by the sun. I had been spending more time on the porch of my tower as I became comfortable with the sturdiness of the railing, and the beauty of my new surroundings—and this look—pleased me.

Then, I examined my face: My cheeks looked rosy. I had never gone this long without wearing at least a little makeup. Normally, for work, I’d dab on some cream blush and fill in my thin eyebrows. In this time, my eyebrows had grown fuller, without my over-plucking. My face looked more defined. My skin was as clear as it had ever been. I was just about to smile, the feeling of something new radiating through my mind, contemplating the fact that I was somewhere new. Somewhere different, where people didn’t know my story. They didn’t know I had been dumped by my fiancé. They didn’t know that my parents thought that was my only chance at love, a thought hard to swallow, because there was so much more to me than that. So much more to the plan that God had for my life. In that moment, standing in front of the plastic mirror at the grocery store that was never quite pointed in the right direction, I felt full of hope. Full of faith. I realized I was over the breakup, truly. God worked a miracle in my life to rid it of the hurt. Then, I heard the awfully familiar voice that stopped me in my tracks.

“Autumn?”

Chapter 15

Radio Check

Blaze

Pins in my leg. Several sessions of physical therapy. Learning how to walk with crutches. I had an all-clear from my doctor to return to work, as long as it involved sitting at a desk, but Don hadn’t been quite as eager.

“Blaze, I need you to take care of yourself right now.” His voice sounded weary on the other end. I had called his satellite phone, as he was up in the fire camps. Away from civilization. Instructing the crews where to dig trenches. Feeling the heat on his brow.

“I’m taking care of myself. With a little help from my mom. She thinks I’m ready to go back to work,” I said, knowing there was a little more pull if it was coming from her, too.

“You mean to tell me that you’re driving your mother nuts, Blaze?”

“Let me ask her.” I turned my head, holding the phone steady to my ear. “Mom, am I driving you nuts?” Her laughter filled up the room.

“Don, do me a favor and get my adult son out of my hair.” Don smirked on the other end of the line.

“Alright, Blaze. If you think you’re up to it—I just happen to have a desk with your name on it. One of my dispatchers is retiring in a few days, so the timing would be great. I just want to know that you’re not rushing into anything.” Relief washed over me. I couldn’t wait to get back to the work I loved—fighting fire—and I would do it in any capacity that I could, desk jobs included.

“Thanks, Don. Call me when you’re ready for me, and I’ll be there.” We hung up the call, and I thanked the Lord for the prospect of returning to work. The fear of missing out was real—knowing that there were fires being fanned in the infamous Wyoming winds, and I wasn’t there to defend the land, killed me.

When I was younger, the joke was that I wanted to be a firefighter because of my name. Truth was, I didn’t think there was a better name for me out there. It was thought up by my father, who wanted his son to leave a mark in the world—to make a name for himself. He was also a little edgy, like Don, and let’s face it—he thought the best way to have a kid was to give him a name that stood out. So, which came first, the chicken or the egg? All I knew was, Blaze was the name given to me, and the flames were what kept me up at night. Not in fear, but in wonder. Out of all the things in God’s creation, fire was what mystified me the most.

*****