Page 125 of Home Ice

JENSEN

THREE YEARS LATER

Kasen’s knees haven’t stopped bouncing beside me, and his anxiety is giving me anxiety.

“Cool it,” I tell him.

“Kyle Rivers, Leighton Craft, Zuel Tubecci …” he mutters under his breath. “Plus, Otto Wittenberg has a better save percentage than me⁠—”

“You have a lower-goals-allowed average and haven’t been out for injury.” I set my hand on his knee because I can’t take the nerves anymore. “Breathe, Kasen. It doesn’t matter if you’re first round or second. You’ve had a lot of strong interest, and the important thing is that we know you’re going to be picked up. We’ve had meetings with Boston, Colorado, Toronto, and St. Louis. You’re in a great position.”

Finally, he does what I said and breathes.

The last few years have been a whirlwind. My trade to Montreal went through, which meant getting to be close to my family and playing side by side with Foster Grant, another queer man in the league. Tai’s dad is happily making art and working at the cafe. Since I shared the work he did for me and he only paints when he’s feeling up to it, almost as soon as he’s finished with a piece, it sells.

And now that I’m officially retired from the league, Tai and I will buy our own place in Burlington so he’s close to his dad to check in, and I’m close to the airport and can jump on a plane to see Kasen anytime I want. I know he’s hoping for St. Louis since I played there for so long, but I secretly have my fingers crossed for Montreal to keep him close.

But at the end of the day, he could end up in fucking Florida, and I still wholeheartedly plan on showing up for him.

I thought retiring would be the hardest thing I’d ever do, but since leaving them at the airport that summer, nothing comes close in comparison.

Kasen is counting on his fingers. “Buffalo is a possibility. If I’m late in the second round, maybe Ottawa or LA.”

I like the sound of Ottawa too. It’s not exactly close, but the distance is drivable.

He lets out a long groan. “What if I’m not until the third? Or the fourth? St. Louis don’t have a first-round pick. Boston isn’t until late in the second, and if Wittenberg is still available⁠—”

“They’d be ridiculous not to want you,” Amelia says, taking Kasen’s hand before he can spiral.

His voice is tight when he replies. “I guess we’ll find out.”

All I know is that I really hope he’s picked up first round. Anything else and we’ll be back here tomorrow, going through the exact same rush of nerves, and I don’t know if I can handle this for hours on end.

Kasen’s in a brand-new suit, hair styled the way I taught him, and when we video called with my parents earlier, Mom actually burst into tears because she said it was exactly like seeing me ready for my draft.

I wouldn’t say exactly. There’s a lot of Carly in him too. But it’s been a surreal day, and as much as Kasen has grown up and matured, I don’t think I’ll ever not see him as a kid. All lanky and disproportioned and surly.

A kid who smiles a lot more these days.

Tai nudges me from the other side. “How are you doing?”

I check that Kasen isn’t listening in, but he’s focused on replying to a text from Amy wishing him luck. “Nervous as hell,” I mutter.

“Right on schedule.”

“Fuck, I hope he’s called tonight.”

“Eh, it’s a lot harder for goalies. Tonight or tomorrow doesn’t matter. We know he’ll be picked.”

Right. I need to stop letting Kasen’s nerves rub off on me.

The lights dim, and the NHL commissioner takes the stage, throwing the crowd into silence.

This is it. Here we go. Thirty-two names to get through tonight. I reach for Kasen’s hand at the same time as he reaches for mine. I squeeze his, and he squeezes back, and I try to hide the way my heart has lodged itself in my throat. I don’t remember being this nervous for my own draft.

The expected names are called for first, second, and third before the first surprise happens, and San Jose makes a pick for fourth, who wasn’t projected until the mid-teens. It only makes me more nervous.

Draft nights hold the weight of a person’s entire professional career. A lot of the prospects chosen tonight will go on to the NHL, but the odds get a lot slimmer after that. Kasen is one of almost a hundred, and hoping he’ll be in that first thirty percent isn’t unreasonable, but the odds aren’t with us. Not with him being a goalie.