Page 14 of Reckless

“Don’t let Sal hear you say that, or we’ll never hear the end of it.”

After a few more bites and a swig of black coffee, Helena quirked her well sculpted eyebrow at me and I knew she wasn’t going to let my palpable mood go. “Come on. I told you what was bothering me. It’s only fair you dish too.”

“Fine. You caught me. I did something last night and it’s eating me alive, but it’s so stupid compared to what you’re going through...”

“Go on. I could use a little stupid distraction.”

I shoved another bite of eggs into my mouth, taking my time to chew. Images of me and Cal flitted in my mind filling me with a mixture of guilt, excitement, and desire. “I might have…” Fuck. Why was I feeling so embarrassed? Helena and I had literally seen each other pee. She’d had me go with her to her OBGYN appointment that time she got her IUD inserted. I knew she kept her toys fully charged and what she preferred in bed. Hell, we were even synced up in our cycle. I shouldn’t have felt ashamed or embarrassed in front of her. I grabbed my coffee and took a sip.

“You’re acting like you killed someone.”

I nearly spit out my coffee. What did it say about me that I was more torn up about getting myself off on a client than killing a scum bag hitman? I’d hardly batted an eyelash doing that. But in all fairness, he had that coming. If not by my hand than someone else’s. The world was a better, safer place without him around. And it wasn’t like Kenneth was my first murder. I’d left my share of bodies on the streets of Starfell as needed over the years, and each time was more than fucking deserved. Maybe that made me a horrible person, but I never pretended to be a saint.

“Not lately,” I said, and Helena laughed like I was making a joke. “No. I might have maybe… got myself off on a really hot guy while giving him a lap dance.”

“Is that all? Stella, please.” She rolled her eyes. “That happens sometimes. It’s not that big of a deal. Was it consensual?”

“Yeah.”

“Well then what are you so worked up about?”

How did I explain that it unlocked a shitload of feelings I didn’t know how to process.

“You know,” Helena sighed, looking at me with her eyebrows pulled tightly together, giving me her full attention. “Andi would want you to live your life. I know that sounds fucking cliche as hell, but we were all friends. I knew her just like I know you. And it’s more than okay for you to enjoy yourself once in a while.”

I ground my teeth together. “She’s not dead, Helena. I have to find her. I can’t stop looking. If I stop—”my eyes began to burn and my chest tightened, cutting off my words mid-sentence.

Her hand gripped mine and squeezed. “I know.”

I ripped my hand away feeling a tear spill over my bottom lash line. “You don’t know. Everyone talks about her in the past tense. Like she’s dead and never coming back. And I can’t accept that. I won’t.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

I breathed out a heavy sigh. “No, I’m sorry. I let my emotions get the best of me and I took it out on you. You didn’t deserve that.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Maybe next time stick to the eggs.”

I laughed, lifting my glasses off my nose and wiping away the rouge tear from my cheek. “Deal.”

Just as my emotions began to settle, the corner of my eye caught an all too familiar face.

“No fucking way.” My heart rate began to pound hard in my chest and all those complicated emotions came rushing right back to the surface.

“What?” Helena swung around to see what I was looking at.

Mouth open and stomach in a knot, I watched Callahan walk right into Sal’s scanning the area for an open seat. He hadn’t seen me yet. I still had time to sneak out the back door and make a break for it. I’d have to pay Sal back later for the eggs and bacon. Except right as my ass was about to slip off the seat so I could run away, Callahan’s mossy green eyes found me. His dark eyebrows shot up and his mouth parted. It seemed he was just as surprised to see me as I was to see him.

“Is that him?” She asked loudly with all the tact of a napkin.

My jaw clenched and my mouth fell into a thin line as I smacked her arm. “Yes, that’s him,” I gritted out through my teeth.

He was smiling wide at me now, weaving between the packed tables.

Dammit. A flush began creeping up my neck, settling on the apples of my cheeks.

Helena watched me with unrestrained glee— her smile was so wide she could easily audition for the part of the Joker. She was getting an absolute kick out of seeing me visibly squirm over a guy.

A hot guy.