Page 118 of Mr. Darcy’s Diamonds

They sat in silence for a while, her aunt working on her sewing and Elizabeth thinking about Mr. Hillyerd. He must be terribly disappointed. The image of another disappointed man appeared in her mind unbidden.

Ever since the Meryton Assembly, she had been avoiding Mr. Darcy. She pretended not to see him or his confusing expressions. He looked at her as though longing to talk to her and then appeared discouraged when she prevented it.

He had wounded her too many times to allow herself to become close to him again. That night at the assembly, she had been angry at him and then confused. It seemed he had not been the reason she had missed the British Museum exhibit, but that did not mean her revelation had not driven him from London. He had departed as soon as she had told him about her heritage. Using his sister as an excuse, he had done what he had years before when he learned details about her he could not accept. He had left without a word. A year that time, more than four months this time.

At least when she was seventeen, he had been honest enough to show his disappointment before he had gone. He had been harsh, and she had been harmed, but at least he had been honest.

In June, he had been tender and had embraced her in a way she had not been able to forget. For a moment, he had made her feel cherished and safe. But it had been nothing but an impulsive reaction, as right afterward, he had searched for a way to get away from her. He had been trying to be kind this time, but he had not been forthright.

He had hurt her even more deeply with this second abandonment, as she had thought she mattered to him. The first time, she reasoned she had been only an entertaining distraction, but this year, he had acted like a true friend before he dropped her acquaintance. How, then, could he show up here and ask her to dance as though nothing had changed between them? Was he really so unfeeling?

She had remained with him for the supper set and spoken with him on the balcony, waiting for him to recognize how his cruelty had affected her and apologize. He saw nothing wrong in his conduct besides not saying goodbye. Yes, it would have helped if he had said goodbye, but it would have been better had he never left her.

“Aunt, have you seen Mr. Darcy at all since you have come to Hertfordshire?”

“Yes, of course. You know he is the reason your uncle and I came? Mr. Darcy wrote to inform us of your illness. He greeted us when we arrived and updated us on your situation. Your uncle saw you that day, though you were asleep, but he had to return to London the next morning.”

“Mr. Darcy wrote to you?”

“Yes. He even offered his carriage and servants to assist with the children if your uncle could not make the journey due to his work.”

Elizabeth had no idea he had done so much. She had told him at the assembly more than a month earlier that the Gardiners could not come for the wedding because of the Emporium.

“Edward took our carriage back to London, of course, and Mr. Darcy has graciously sent his carriage to Longbourn for me each day so I may visit with you for a few hours.”

Elizabeth did not know what to think of this new evidence of Mr. Darcy’s kindness. It was not out of character for him, but she no longer expected he would do so much for her. Her heart ached to let him into her life once again, but she knew the organ would not appreciate being crushed by him a third time.

Therefore, she wished to return to Longbourn not only to be with her family. She also needed to distance herself from Mr. Darcy. If she had to remain in this house once she was well enough to leave her rooms, how would she avoid him?

The truth was, she did not wish to avoid him. She wanted nothing more than to be in his presence again as they had been all spring. And that was before she had known he had been the means of getting the Gardiners here. She evaded him only to prevent a repeat of the summer. Now that she was recovering enough these past couple of days to be awake for more than an hour or two at a time, she could not keep Mr. Darcy out of her thoughts, and she alternately wished to rise from this bed and search for him or hide under her quilt until after her cousins’ wedding.

Either way, her heart would break a little more when he returned to London next week and found better ways to spend his time than with her. Could she live with herself if she did not talk to him once or twice more while she had the chance?

“You are a bit flushed, Lizzy.” Her aunt set her sewing aside and stood to touch her brow. “Your fever has not returned. Do you feel sleepy again?”

“No. I feel well enough. I should get up and walk around my room soon.”

Her aunt rang the bell for Dinah to walk with her. Apparently, she and Matthew had also been sent for while she was feverish.

“Did Mr. Darcy ask you to bring Dinah and Matthew?”

Her aunt looked sheepish but nodded. What an odd reaction.

“He speaks to me every day before I depart, you know.”

“Matthew?”

“Mr. Darcy. He always catches me before I leave and asks after you and whether he can be of any service.” Aunt Gardiner looked at her as though expecting the blush she felt on her cheeks. “He has been extremely concerned for your health, Lizzy.”

Perhaps the quilt was the better option. How many more days could she stay in bed? She blew out a frustrated breath. She was too weak to walk much but already felt restless. She would have to face Mr. Darcy, possibly as early as tonight.

Chapter Fifty

Darcy found some comfort in knowing Matthew guarded Elizabeth’s bedchamber all day and Dinah slept in her dressing room at night. When he had written to Gardiner, he had told him of the possibility that someone had been trying to harm Elizabeth. The circumstances of the broken bridge did not point to anyone in particular being targeted, but Mr. Bennet’s odd reaction—invoking his sister’s name—which he had refused to elaborate on later even to Bingley, concerned Darcy.

Darcy had taken Gardiner and Matthew out to see the bridge soon after their arrival. Bingley had since ordered the bridge rebuilt, but first Darcy had ensured Elizabeth’s uncle and footman understood Elizabeth may still be in danger. He had offered to send for additional men from London to protect her, but Gardiner had not thought it necessary. They had agreed with Mr. Bennet’s command not to speak to Elizabeth of the potential threat, at least not until she was fully healthy.

It seemed she was finally close to recovery. Mrs. Gardiner’s report this afternoon had been promising, so Darcy had high hopes of being able to see Elizabeth this evening. He should plan what to say to her, in case she did not allow him much time. A proposal of marriage was foremost on his mind, but he should ease into that subject after so long apart.