Page 52 of Mr. Darcy’s Diamonds

“Are you breathing?”

Darcy inhaled sharply, bringing pain to a second part of his chest.

“I am well.” He carefully showed Georgiana he remembered how to inhale and exhale.

If this was his reaction to being within a quarter mile of Elizabeth, how would he handle seeing her in the same room? No, he certainly was not ready to return to society. He would have to avoid her, at least.

Conscious that his sister still watched him, he forcefully turned his mind to their destination.

“Are you more interested in seeing the lions or the bears?” Only after speaking the question did he remember asking something oddly similar to Elizabeth’s young cousin on that morning two years prior.

Is that how this day would go? Would he see Elizabeth around every corner, feel her presence beside him, hear her excited awe and her laughter and her questions? Of course he would.

He had not thought of her as anything but a child at the time, but knowing he would have to revisit this place, his mind had returned to him every memory. He was unsure whether some of the memories were his imagination. Surely, she had not looked at him in the same way she had while they danced a year ago.

A year ago, she had looked almost as though she admired him as more than a friend. He knew that was untrue, however, as he had heard her telling Miss Bingley as much. He was grateful when his sister pulled him from his unsatisfying memories.

“The lions are the main attraction, are they not? I should like to see them, but what other animals will we find?”

Elizabeth had been fascinated by the ant bear. After watching the ferocity of the lions engaged in battle, she had appreciated the gentleness of the toothless animal. He chuckled. She had also been entranced by the tigers. Though they looked fierce, she said, they were also majestic. “The most beautiful animal I have ever seen,” she had said. He wondered if she had painted one. Surely, she had made a study of the creatures after their visit and drawn them all, at least. He would have to ask her to show him⁠—

“Brother? What animals will we see?”

“Oh, er…tigers, leopards, an ant bear, a funny little creature called a raccoon.”

“What is an ant bear? Is it an ant or a bear?”

“It eats ants with its long snout…”

Chapter Twenty-Five

Darcy had agreed to remain with Georgiana in London until she returned to school at the end of April, and he could not hide completely until then, so he was now attending his first event of the Season, the day after visiting the menagerie. He had still not recovered from that ordeal.

The last social event he had attended, nearly a year ago, had been the enchanting but disastrous night he had danced with Elizabeth. He would not think of her tonight, however. Because what he felt for her was nothing but a passing infatuation.

He had been drawn to her clever mind, but as soon as he found someone else with whom to have meaningful conversations, he would forget her. He had been telling himself this since leaving the menagerie the day before. For his own good, he must believe it. And he did. Of course he did. Because it was true.

Tonight’s ball was not for him to seek a wife, though, as he was content to put that off indefinitely. He hoped seeing old friends could lift his spirits, which had remained low all year.

Next week—in ten days—it would be a year since he had seen the Bingleys…or Elizabeth. Her birthday had been six weeks ago. She was now eighteen. He sighed and refocused. He and Bingley had corresponded, of course, but perhaps he needed to see his friend’s carefree face to help him banish the blue devils.

As he walked into Lady Standridge’s private ball—chosen because Bingley would be here and it was too elite for Elizabeth to be, he forced himself to focus on the elegant surroundings. Music could be heard in each room he walked through, but it grew louder as he progressed farther into the home. Colorful gowns and cloying perfumes threatened to overwhelm him as he strode carefully between and around couples and groups, nodding to acquaintances and stopping for brief conversation only when necessary. He had no goal but to find Bingley.

He was startled, then, when he saw her almost as soon as he reached the dancers. At first, he convinced himself it could not be Elizabeth whirling through the movements with such grace. When she turned, not seeing him but smiling at her partner, he was robbed of air. His chest hurt; he felt as though he had been pummeled. She was even more beautiful than she had been in his dreams! Darcy struggled to inhale as he took in her appearance.

Still with a glow of youth and innocence, she was at least as old as many of the young ladies here and as elegant as them all. After longer than he felt it should have taken, he forced himself to turn and find a quiet stretch of wall halfway across the room from her. He still struggled to breathe evenly, but he began to search the room for Bingley. He would need to depart soon.

Before he found his friend, though, the set ended, and Elizabeth was walking closer to him, speaking to her partner and still not seeing Darcy. The unknown gentleman, who looked to be about four- or five-and-twenty, escorted her to another young woman but remained with them, and before Darcy had formed a coherent thought, he was in front of her. She looked up, clearly startled.

“Miss Elizabeth,” he said, bowing.

“Mr. Darcy?” Elizabeth said a little breathlessly and curtsied but looked as though she had seen a ghost. He had been absent a year, not dead.

“Would you do me the honor of dancing the next with me?” The gruff words were out of his mouth before he had registered the wish.

“I…yes.”

Darcy nodded and walked away, determined to regain control of his faculties before he must return for their set in a few minutes. Before he would have to stand in front of her and look into her eyes, touch her hand and perhaps her shoulder, back, or waist, depending on the dance. Before he would have to speak more to her for the first time since his hateful insult.