Page 60 of Seein’ Red

17

NASH

My mind whirrs faster than my mama’s hand mixer whipping up her deviled eggs as I walk through the door of my house. So many ideas whooshing past each other, melding with one another, the hand mixer doing its job to blend everything together. Even through all that though, one thing stands out.

The girls know about game night…

The fact that the girls keeping this secret for all these years is what stands out in my mind must mean something. What, who knows. But I’m way more hung up on that than I am about how after more than a decade, Willa is finally mine. Or that she’s pregnant. Those things feel right.

Okay, maybe not the pregnancy part. That still freaks me out. But I know we can handle it. There’s nothing that Willa and I can’t face together.

Together.

Fuck, does that feel good to say. Willa and I together. Making up for lost time. I wish it hadn’t taken a baby to do it, but the Lord works in mysterious ways, right?

I relish that feeling for a quick second, warmth spreading through my chest at the thought of falling asleep tonight holding her in my arms. It’s a day I never thought would come. And one that scares the shit out of me, if I’m honest. Because I’ve fucked it up once. And I can’t fuck it up again.

I might have survived losing her once. I don’t think I would a second time.

Heaving out a sigh, I crash down into a chair at the dining room table, trying to hold in all my emotions. Dustin and Camden are already sitting, Camden shuffling an Uno deck, Noel still in the kitchen, fiddling with a pizza box. The last thing I want to do is become all sappy with these guys. With Willa? Sure. These guys though, I don’t need to be dragging them into all the drama. Especially two days before Dustin’s wedding.

“I can’t figure out if you look like someone kicked your puppy or the cat that ate the canary,” Camden comments, splitting the deck and shuffling.

“No one kicked my puppy.”

“Then whose canary did you eat?” Dustin quips.

One of your bridesmaids…

“Wouldn’t you like to know, rock star.”

I smirk knowingly, loving the taunt. There won’t be much longer I can get away with it, so I might as well enjoy it while I can.

“You really think he doesn’t know?” Noel counters, walking over to the table, placing the pizza box on the edge, sliding plates into the middle. “Like Kenz didn’t tell him? Or Sylvie didn’t spill to Camden?”

I swallow hard, looking at my friends, trying to assess what they might know. Because honest to God, the thought hadn’t occurred to me. I’ve been so focused on Willa and me and what all this means that I didn’t stop to think about her sharing all this with the girls.

Oh, shit…

My brain works overtime, shuffling through the files of all the conversations Willa and I have had. Not once has she mentioned telling Kenzie, Sylvie, or Bronwyn. I don’t think. Unless she did when I wasn’t fully listening. Not that I will ever admit to not fully listening.

She mentioned squeezing in taking a test the other day, but didn’t mention if she was alone. Of course she was alone for that, right? Pregnancy tests aren’t a group effort, are they? No, they aren’t. Even I know that.

Still, I have to play this cool.

“That the girls know about game night? Maybe they have.”

“What?!”

A chorus of all three voices rings out almost in unison, the shuffling of cards coming to a halt. Each of my buddies looks at me, a similar but different perplexed expression staring back. Well, at least I got the subject changed.

“Apparently they’ve known since high school,” I continue.

“You chickenshit,” Noel mutters, shaking his head and shoving a piece of pizza into his mouth.

I choose to ignore his comment, grabbing a slice for myself. “So, I guess we don’t have to pretend to know the score anymore.”

“Why’s he a chickenshit?” Dustin asks Noel, ignoring me.