Page 102 of Good Directions

“That’s what I said,” Cary interjects.

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

I leap to my feet, frustration flowing through me like water through a fire hose. How dare these two come in here and try and tell me what this is about. They don’t know a damn thing.

This is about one thing, and one thing only. The fact that Sawyer went behind my back and moved those saplings without asking and without the proper knowledge of how to do so.

“This is about the saplings,” I defend, pointing my beer bottle between the men on either side of me.

“Keep lying to yourself, that’s fine,” Cary comments.

“Fine, then you tell me what you think it’s about!”

“I think it’s that she saw the real you,” my father says, his voice calm, steady, and even. It’s the voice of the man who was always there, ready to teach me something, hear me out, or offer a safe place to land. The same one who is still there to do all those things. “That there was finally a woman who was going to align with the way you live your life. And it scares you.”

His words are an arrow to the heart, hitting the bullseye dead-on. Sawyer did see the real me. I have never been more myself than I was with her. Everything about her, from the little noises she made while sleeping, to her snarky, bossy comments around the lab, to her love of the Muppets, put me at ease. Even when she was challenging me. If there was ever a woman who I could share my life with, Sawyer Brown was it.

And I’ve never been more terrified of anything.

“She dug up the saplings,” I argue, still harping on this point. My feelings for her are moot. She betrayed those when she did what she did.

“After you gave her free rein,” Cary counters.

“Not that⁠—”

“I don’t care what she did to them, Anton,” Auggie cuts me off, rounding the chairs and putting himself directly in front of me. These days he and I are the same size, but something about him in this moment, I can’t help but feel like a child being scolded all over again. “They’re just trees.”

“You don’t understand!” I shout back, losing my cool. The scolded little kid in me can’t help it. He wants to fight. “I got out there and saw all the trees missing and all I could think was about how my future was gone. Hayes’s future was gone. Poof! Into thin air!”

“They’re just trees, Son. Just trees,” he repeats.

I shake my head, emotion settling in my throat, my eyes stinging. “Just trees? Just trees?! They’re not just trees! They’re…they’re…” I trail off, my chest tightening as it all hits me. The words that I’m screaming, the argument that I’m making, all of it. Including my own stupidity. “Just trees…just fucking trees…”

There was finally a woman who was going to align with the way you live your life…

My father’s words echo back through my brain, ricocheting off every corner. Because that has always been my excuse. A woman would never fit into my life. Would never understand my love of farming and the priority it held in my life. Even over a family of my own. I even told Sawyer that—shared with her my reasons and secrets and the whole nine. She understood. Because she wants the same things.

Her actions weren’t a betrayal. They were her way of demonstrating that she was in this. Dedicated to helping us improve. Her own love letter.

My actions, on the other hand…

Even after Cary confirmed that she hadn’t acted out of character, I’d doubled down. I let my own fear take over and push her away. Worse than that, I betrayed her trust.

I stumble backward a half step, the wrecking ball of realization taking me with it. Auggie is there though, somehow defying physics, gathering me in his arms and pulling me into a bear hug. One that only a dad can.

Relaxing into him, I give in to my emotions, letting it all go. The stinging in my eyes morphs into wetness as pain rips through my chest. A red-hot, searing sting that cuts from one side of me to the other, then back again, threatening to split me in two.

“I’m such a fucking asshole,” I say, my head still buried in my father’s shoulder.

Auggie chuckles, patting my back. “We all have our moments. At least you recognize it.”

I step back, wiping at my eyes, trying to hide the evidence. These two will never tattle on me, but that doesn’t mean I need to have it on display. The fact that my sheer dumbassery is out there for the world to see is bad enough.

Because I was right about one thing—my future is gone. Poof! Into thin air. She cleared out of here in a hurry after I told her that I’d made a mistake in trusting her. When really, the only mistake I made was not trusting her.

My actions back at the lab were one thousand percent self-sabotage.

Only I broke the most amazing woman’s heart in the process.