Page 67 of Return to the Waratah Inn

He handed Noah to her, and she sat down in the rocking chair. The baby immediately settled and only hiccoughed occasionally as he fed. Alex sat on the floor by her feet, his legs crossed. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Some days are harder than other days.”

“I wish I was better at this. I tried rocking, singing to him—nothing really worked.” Alex frowned.

“He was hungry. There’s milk in the fridge, but I didn’t think you’d need it. I’ll show you how to heat it up for next time.”

As Alex walked away, Kate’s throat ached. This wasn’t how she pictured motherhood to be. She’d believed the two of them would be partners—they were in this together. She’d never imagined that she’d have to parent Noah alone. But at least Alex was trying. Maybe things would get better with time.

She leaned her head back and closed her eyes, moving back and forth gently as Noah continued to feed. She wished her mother was there. This was the kind of life event you needed a mother to share with you. Mum would know what to say, how to fix things. She’d be able to give tips on feeding, changing and sleep times. She’d hold the baby and let Kate get some rest. She’d know how to settle Noah when he was fussy. But she wasn’t there, she never would be, and she wouldn’t know her grandchildren.

Kate had cried so many tears over losing her parents, but it’d been a long time since she’d felt this level of grief. It came in waves so that she had to bite down on her lower lip to keep from calling out. The pain sat in her chest and restricted her throat. She blinked a few times and then drew a deep breath. She’d be okay. At least she had Reeda and Bindi. They’d been great so far with bringing meals over, calling her to check in, and generally caring. Still, it wasn’t the same as having Mum there with her. Nan would’ve loved this as well. Life wasn’t fair, but there was nothing she could do about it.

Nan used to say: “Life is unfair, love. No point stewing over it.”

Nan had so much wisdom. If only Kate had paid more attention to the things she’d said at the time. She’d learned so much from her grandmother. Things she didn’t realise she knew but were buried deep down in her psyche so they seemed native to her soul. Kindness, sharing what you have with those around you, looking out for your family, loving fiercely—they were all things Nan had taught her. Along with the unfairness of life, and the fact that you never knew when or if you’d see a loved one again. Kate vowed to treasure each moment with Noah and to stop fretting over how much Alex did or didn’t contribute. She couldn’t control him. She could only control her own reactions to him, and he was working out how to be a parent in his own way. She needed to let go because the tension of trying to control everything was eating her up.

Chapter Thirty-Six

February 1998

Kingscliff

It’d been a little over two weeks since the children first came to stay with Reeda, but it felt longer. She’d hardly had a moment to herself since they arrived. Between taking them to school, working on her interior design business, and meeting them after school, helping with homework, cooking, cleaning and doing laundry, she’d barely had a chance to think about anything else. Usually a stickler for her fitness routine, she hadn’t done a single minute of exercise in two weeks.

It was Saturday, and the children were all playing quietly—Carly was colouring, Marc played with a box of Legos Reeda had brought home the previous day, and Simone was painting her fingernails at the dining table. Reeda made herself a protein smoothie and sat at the table beside Simone. She glanced at Carly, whose face was still pale after a week of flu symptoms. She’d recovered well, but Reeda was still a little anxious. These children were her responsibility and it weighed heavy on her heart, especially when something went wrong.

“That’s a pretty shade of pink,” Reeda said.

Simone glanced at her but didn’t respond in any other way. She continued painting her nails.

“So, I’m going to go for a run. Can you watch your brother and sister for me while I’m gone? I won’t be long. Maybe forty minutes or so.” Reeda waited, tapping her fingers on the table impatiently. “Simone?”

Simone rolled her eyes and pushed the brush back into the nail polish. “Fine, whatever. Do what you want.”

“You’ll be okay?”

“Of course. I’ve looked after them our whole lives.”

Reeda nodded. “Okay, thanks. I’ll see you soon.”

She’d considered asking someone to come over and watch the kids while she went running, but Simone was twelve years old. Surely she was capable of watching her siblings for forty minutes. Especially since, as she said, she’d done it their whole lives. Besides, Bindi was at university today, and Kate had her hands full with the baby. The only person she could ask was Mima, and lately Mima hadn’t been herself, so Reeda hated to ask for a favour.

She slipped into a pair of leggings and a crop top, then added a peaked cap and headed out the door. It felt good to run along the path by the shoreline. The morning breeze helped stave off the worst of the heat. Reeda and Duncan had moved close to Cudgeon Creek in Kingscliff, and so far, they loved it. They were in New South Wales, but not far from the Queensland border, only five minutes from the nearest beach and close enough to the marina in Tweed Heads to take out Duncan’s fishing boat whenever they liked.

Overhead, seagulls set up a chorus as they soared in place, letting the wind lift their wings. Small puffs of clouds sailed by. A brown feathered kite whistled as it circled above the bay, its sharp eyes taking in the people, picnics and potential prey.

She’d spoken to Kate earlier that morning who said Alex was doing better with Noah. He’d opened up a little and admitted he was struggling. Kate was hopeful things would turn around. Reeda figured it might take some time — but Alex loved children, he was a teacher for that reason. She knew he’d be a good father, but so far he hadn’t seemed to adjust with the changes a baby had brought to their lives.

Even though Duncan had a busy schedule between surgery and his volunteer work, he spent every moment he could with her and their foster children. She couldn’t imagine trying to do it without him. He’d been an invaluable extra set of hands, especially at bed time when the kids often didn’t want to go to sleep. She’d quickly learned that they’d never really had a scheduled bed time before and they bucked against it most nights. Having Duncan there to enforce the rules had been a huge weight off her shoulders.

By the time she made it back to the house, Reeda felt much better. She’d worked the tension out of her muscles, and the familiar satisfaction after a good run had flooded her body with endorphins. She’d needed that. Now that the children were settled, she should get back into the habit of rising early to run and work out in their home gym. She’d missed the exercise but hadn’t realised how much until now.

She pushed through the front door and locked it behind her, then stopped in the kitchen for a drink. As she chugged a glass full of water, she paused to listen. The sound of children fighting caught her attention. The noise seemed to be emitting from their shared bedroom. She set down the glass and walked along the hallway to check on them.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Reeda asked as she stopped in the doorway.

Carly straddled Marc’s back and had a fistful of his hair. Marc was glowering and trying to shake her off him. “She’s pulling my hair!”