Page 69 of Ashborne Forged

Because it meant there was no going back. No safety net. No room to deny my own weakness—or the presence of a bond, ever again. And if I failed, it would reveal me. Not in control. Not always right. Not Goldfinger.

Why would I want to hide that?

My stomach pitched and rolled as I answered my own question: Because it gave me room to deny it to myself.

I’d been lying to myself from the first moment I saw her. Denying the draw. Denying the need to make myself vulnerable. Hiding, and hurting Grace. I’d even roped Gil into breaching codes of conduct I would never even have considered before. It’s a slippery slope, Donavyn had said. And he was right. I’d proven that. I would have been furious if I’d caught one of my men doing this.

Lies like that would spiral. And the only way to stop the churn, was to be willing to take the blows.

Well, shit.

“Are we done? Or do you need another slap?” Donavyn muttered.

I shook my head sadly, but as he looked like he was preparing to leave me alone, I made myself say the words, because if I didn’t start on the correct path now, I would slip even further from my own sense of honor. And inevitably hurt Grace more.

“I have to tell you something. There’s another deceit I need to confess.”

Donavyn’s brows rose. “What’s that?”

I took a deep breath. “In your absence, I told Gil to give Ronen a false message that I’d received orders, because I knew he wouldn’t question and you wouldn’t be here to tell him otherwise.”

Donavyn went very still. “You did what?” he growled.

“I knew if Gil told him I’d been called to take a message, and that Grace had to go with me because our dragons were mated, he wouldn’t question it. It was a way to get time alone with her and cement the bond and—”

His face tightened in rage. But his voice got quieter, which was even more frightening. “You’re more of an idiot than I thought. Voski, what the actual fuck?!”

“I know.”

“I don’t think you do!” His expression was incredulous as he leaned in on me. “You used very real, very legitimate systems that you were trusted with, to benefit yourself personally!”

I nodded. “It felt necessary at the time.”

He scoffed. “You betrayed the trust of your leaders, and your followers—and all because I didn’t have eyes on you?!”

“The timing was merely fortuitous, it had never occurred to me—”

“I should fucking hope not!”

“Sir, I’m sorry—”

“You will be.” The fury simmered in his tone and the fire in his eyes was back. Darker this time.

I swallowed a whole new rush of fear, but lifted my chin and stared at the wall again, standing to attention. “I’ve heard you. You were right. I’ve been wrong. I’ll attempt to make what reconciliation I can. I don’t want to be the man who’d do that again. I can’t, sir. I’ve been lying. A lot. To others, and to myself. It needs to stop. I hope you believe me. That’s why I’m telling you now. I accept my responsibility in this. I need to stop.”

The general shook his head, his expression even more somber and disappointed than before.

My stomach sank.

“I don’t know what to say to you,” he rasped. “Gil? Maybe. I wouldn’t have expected of you—”

“I’ve never done it before, Sir. And I won’t again.”

“You bet your fucking ass you won’t.”

I dropped my chin and nodded. “Yes, sir.” My blood ran cold. But I forced myself to remain standing there, awaiting his verdict. I knew he’d discipline me. He had to.

Donavyn turned away, cursing under his breath and clawing a hand through his hair, until a moment later he glared at me.