Page 55 of Meet Me in Ivy Falls

‘Maybe this was a mistake,’ I said, reaching for my shirt.

Her determined voice stopped me. ‘You’re wrong if you think I’m scared.’

Torran’s soft hands moved back to my jagged edges and raised, shiny skin.

‘This doesn’t change a thing, Beck. I still think you’re beautiful.’

Her sweet words slackened the ache in my jaw. The knots in my neck. I’d longed to tell her about this. To bare every part of me and know that she had the entire truth. To understand that the boy who had left in that RV with his parents was long gone. Every single one of my muscles twitched under the caress of her touch, and I reached up and spread my hands over where her hand had stopped over my heart.

‘How did you get the scars?’ Her voice was as soft as the wind in the trees outside.

I bent my head and started to speak but she reached out and tipped my chin up like she wanted me to know she wasn’t afraid. That just by looking into my eyes she could give me the courage to push out the words.

‘I can’t imagine the weight of grief you’ve been carrying, but if you share the truth with me I promise you won’t carry it alone anymore.’

Her voice loosened the tight knot in my chest. I stepped in, needing to be closer. As soon as I’d returned to Ivy Falls, I’d seen flickers of that young girl who’d become my first love. Even with those years between us, she was still that person who could smooth out my rough edges. With just a few words, ease the pain in my troubled heart.

‘We’d just finished skiing at a place called Northstar in Lake Tahoe.’ I tried to keep my voice steady but it was impossible with Torran staring at me with such abandon that it hurt to look at her. ‘The temperature outside was long past freezing. My parents went into the RV to change while Piper and I were battling it out with snowballs. I chased her with my arsenal all the way down to the river when a loud explosion shook the ground beneath us.’

My voice cracked and she gripped my hands like she knew I needed her strength.

‘Piper and I sprinted back to the campground. The propane tank had exploded and our RV was engulfed in flames. Without thinking, I tore open the door and jumped inside. The heat bit at my arms and back but I didn’t feel any of it.’ The story spilled out of me in rough, painful spurts. ‘All I wanted was to find my mom and dad and pull them out. The roar of the blaze filled my ears. I climbed over charred seats and burning curtains, screaming for them until a hand grabbed the back of my jacket and yanked me from the flames.’

I paused, seeing it all over again in my head.

‘An older couple smothered me in a blanket to put out the fire. My skin was burning, Piper was screaming, and all I could think was that if I could get back inside I could save them.’ I gasped and held on to Torran with everything I had. ‘If I hadn’t chased Piper, I could have been there to help them. Get them out.’

‘If you’d been there when it exploded, you and Piper could be gone too.’ Her voice was as thick as mine. ‘Under the circumstances, you did the best you could. Your parents wouldn’t have wanted you to die saving them.’

She pulled me into a hug as my body trembled.

‘I still don’t understand. Why wouldn’t you answer my calls? Did you think I couldn’t handle this? What the accident had done to you? Because if that’s the case, I have to ask if you really knew me at all.’

I thought being apart from Torran was painful, but what cut me to the core was the sound of utter grief that clung to her voice.

‘I couldn’t talk to anyone at first. They put me in a coma for the first few days so I could heal. When I woke, it was agony. The doctors promised over and over that “after one more surgery” I’d be better, but the pain endured for months. After three skin grafts, they finally released me to my grandparents’ care. By then all I could do was concentrate on my rehab and navigating what my life, Piper’s life, was going to look like with our parents gone.’

‘Oh, Beck.’ Her voice was wracked with pain.

‘It wasn’t that I didn’t have faith in you, but I was broken. Lifeless. I didn’t want to drag you into that. Not when you had such a bright future.’

Her face went from pained to angry in a flash. ‘A future I wanted to spend with you, you idiot – no matter what your body looked like. That last night together at the lake we promised we’d go to college together. Find jobs in the same city. Share our lives through thick and thin. Good or bad. But you walked away like you thought I wasn’t strong enough to stand by your side. You took away my choice to decide.’ She stopped and her cheeks drained of color. ‘That girl in the picture. The one you posted online after you sent the email. Were you together?’

I dropped my head. ‘No. She was the daughter of one of my physical therapists. I asked her to take a picture with me. I knew it’d eventually get back to you. I thought it was the only way you’d let me go.’

‘Dammit, Beck!’ She pushed me away, tears sparkling in her eyes. ‘All this time I thought you’d fallen out of love with me. That you wanted to move on. Do you have any idea how much that fucking destroyed me?’

I reached for her and this time she let me pull her into my chest.

‘We could have gotten through anything, if you’d just believed in me,’ she cried, and I buckled, bringing her down to the ground with me. ‘That last night we had at the lake, I gave you my whole heart. Tangled up in a blanket, skin to skin, we made so many promises to each other. When you left with your family, I thought time would pass quickly. I’d finish my junior year and then you’d be home again. We’d go back to being us.’ A disgusted chuckle escaped her lips. ‘I was such a naïve little girl.’

‘No, Tor. You believed in us, and I did too until everything went so fucking wrong.’

‘It was easy to be mad at you, make you the villain, when I didn’t know the whole truth. Blame you for why I’ve never trusted my heart to another man.’ She let out a heartbreaking sigh. ‘When you disappeared you not only broke the bridge connecting us but doused the damn thing in gasoline and set it ablaze.’

Slowly I ran my hand over the messy ponytail she loved. ‘I deserve every bit of that anger, but at the time I could barely figure out who I was without my parents, much less be a guy who could be there for you.’

‘I get now why I had to be your last priority. If anything happened to my family, Tessa would be the first person I’d protect – but knowing all that doesn’t make the memories hurt any less.’