Page 96 of Meet Me in Ivy Falls

She reached out and squeezed my hand. ‘In those last days, she made it clear that all she wanted was quiet moments with us.’ Her gaze returned to the marker. ‘When she set her mind to something, you know she couldn’t be swayed. She asked Dad to give that last day to us. She wanted to say goodbye to him alone. In private. The same way she wanted to do with us.’

‘That’s not right. It can’t be,’ I argued.

‘Think about it. Was there ever a time in our lives that she asked for something from him and he balked?’

That ache in my throat swelled. She’d always wanted to protect us. Love us with everything in her soul. It didn’t make sense that she wouldn’t want us all at her bedside when she passed.

‘I understand it may be hard to accept. But if you talk to Dad, he’ll tell you the truth. When you hear it from him, you’ll understand.’

‘I can’t believe it.’

Her mouth went firm again. ‘See, this is what I mean. There’s a part of you that’s closed off your heart. That’s certainly caused by the way Dad has behaved over the years, but it’s also caused blind spots for you.’ A sad smile crossed her lips. ‘Beck hurt you and you’ve been carrying around the pain for years. That’s made you put up your walls to keep yourself protected. But,’ she sighed, ‘it also keeps you from connecting with people. I think that’s why you’re not fighting for Beck. It’s too easy to keep your heart closed. Not be vulnerable with him again.’

‘He walked away from me, Tess,’ I ground out. ‘Again.’

‘Yes, but you know he’s wounded. That he’s spent most of his life grieving.’ She took in a low breath like she was ready to deliver a truth I didn’t want to hear. ‘Did you tell him you loved him?’

I shook my head.

‘If you can’t imagine your life without him, then you need to let go of that part of you that’s scared. Track him down and tell him how you feel. Leave it up to him to choose. If he walks away, it’ll hurt like hell but at least you can move on knowing you did everything in your power to make it work. Don’t let your own grief and anger ruin your chance at love.’

She was right. There were so many things in my life I was fighting. My grief for Mom. Anger over the house. Resentment toward my dad. Beck’s instinct to run away. Worry that the town would never forgive me. I was so tired. Every part of me felt broken, but even with that knowledge I still believed I was putting up a brave front.

‘Hey, I’m supposed to be the strong older sister doling out the good advice,’ I said.

‘Strong? What does that even mean anymore? I read hundreds of book blurbs every month that portray the heroine as this fierce soul who’s usually brandishing a sword or a dagger. But there is more than one interpretation of the word. For me, being strong is standing your ground in the face of almost unbeatable odds.’ She looked at me pointedly. ‘Or forgiving someone who’s hurt you, even if you don’t think they deserve it.’

‘When did you get so damn wise?’

‘It’s all the self-help books I read,’ she joked. ‘But seriously, I’ve been in awe watching you build your own business, battle for what you want, it’s inspired me. Made me want to do the same in my own life.’

‘How can that be? All I’ve done is screw up.’

‘There are people in this world who have had everything handed to them. They’ve never seen a rocky day. Fought against pain and sorrow. But you’ve had things in your life upended over and over and you still don’t give up. It’s like you’re more committed than ever to succeed. It’s inspiring not only to me, but I think to everyone in Ivy Falls.’

This time I let out a full laugh. ‘I’m sorry. Did you see all the people sneering at me at the council meeting? That wasn’t inspired. That was an angry mob.’

‘Why can’t you see things even when they’re right in front of you?’ she grumbled. ‘After you gave that speech at the council meeting, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. At the Fourth of July picnic, people looked at you with a sense of pride. Like they knew deep down that you were fighting for the town in your own way.’

My mind flitted back to the way Isabel and Amos had waved to us from their blanket on Fourth of July. How Barb and Susan had treated Manny and me like we were some kind of heroes when we came in to get coffee and donuts.

‘I didn’t notice any of it,’ I confessed.

‘I know. That’s why I’m here to force you to see the truth.’ She gave my hand a loving pat. ‘Now that I’ve talked some sense into you, what are you going to do?’

‘First, I’m going to see Dad. Then I’m going to hunt down Beck wherever he is and tell him how I feel.’

She gazed back at the marker. ‘She’d be proud of you if she was here.’

I slung an arm over Tessa’s shoulder. ‘She’d be proud of us both.’

Chapter Forty-Four

BECK

Stuck In A Time Loop.

We’d been driving for twenty minutes and Piper hadn’t uttered a single word. I tried not to stare at the baggy T-shirt and thin cotton skirt hanging off her bony frame. Without makeup, she looked ten years younger.