Page 98 of Meet Me in Ivy Falls

‘Enough!’ She whipped back at me. ‘You are my brother. Not my savior. Not my keeper. And certainly not my damn parent.’

Her shaky hands twisted in her lap. The nurse at the hospital reminded her that her body would continue to rebel as the urge to drink messed with her system. Even though I’d seen Piper like this before, it still felt like a knife twisting in my gut as I watched her struggle.

‘You fucking bought me our childhood home thinking somehow it would fix me.’ She shook her head. ‘Ten years you’ve spent caring for me. That’s long enough, Beck.’ Her voice trembled but her lower lip jutted out like she needed me to hear her. ‘It’s not that I don’t love and appreciate what you’ve done. What you’ve sacrificed. But you can’t save me.’ She leaned forward and clasped her hands in her lap. ‘Every single choice I’ve made is because I’m in so much pain I can’t see straight. I think about all the things I’ll never have with Mom. Watching me get married or holding her grandchildren.’

Her voice wavered and she turned her face toward the calm of the countryside.

‘The first time I took a drink was after a guy I had a crush on told me it was never going to happen with us. In that minute, all I wanted was Mom. For her to tell me that he was a loser who couldn’t see how perfect I was for him.’ She tugged at a hair that escaped her loose braid. ‘She wasn’t there so I chose the only thing that would numb the pain – first alcohol and then pills. It’s a vicious cycle I’ve depended on for most of my life and it won’t end until I want it to stop.’

Piper rubbed her palms over the thin skirt covering her legs.

‘Lying on the floor before I passed out, I focused on that beautiful chandelier Torran hung in the bathroom. In the glass droplets hanging from the iron frame, I saw my own reflection. Gaunt. Pale. Way older than my twenty-four years. I also saw Mom,’ she said so quietly I barely heard her. ‘How she’d spent so much time hanging over the edge of the tub during our baths. The way she’d always made sure we had a ton of bubbles. It hit me then how angry she’d be if she could see what I’d done to my life.’

She swiped at her cheeks before rolling back her shoulders and sitting up straight.

‘Trembling against that cold tile, I swore if I survived it would be the end of my addiction.’ Her gaze returned to her hands now clenched in her lap. ‘That I’d try with all my strength to clean up and figure out how to make my life something they’d both be proud of.’

‘That sounds like a good plan. And I’ll help in any way I can.’

‘No!’ Piper jumped up from the swing. ‘I have to do this on my own. It’s time you started living your own life, and that life has to be with Torran. Stop torturing yourself over me. Over Mom and Dad. You’re not responsible for their deaths no matter what choices you made.’

Her tears came in a flood now.

‘It was all an accident. A fucking horrible accident.’

I dropped my head into my hands, trying to ignore the raw ache filling my chest. ‘That moment at the campground still haunts me,’ I said as a solid wall of pain hit me. ‘I’ve replayed it over in my head at least a thousand times and it never changes. I should have done more to get them out. Helped Mom with dinner when she asked. I’m so sorry, Pipe.’

She returned to the swing and placed her head on my shoulder. ‘All these years we’ve both been hurting because we want to change the past. It’s like we’re stuck in a time loop, reliving that moment over and over. But if we’re going to have any semblance of a life, we need to break that cycle and move on. For me, that means facing my addiction for real this time. And for you, it starts with forgiving yourself and making things right with Torran because, let’s be honest, you’ve never stopped loving her.’

‘I don’t know if she’ll take me back. She’s too angry. Too hurt. Not that I can blame her after crushing her heart. Twice.’

Piper’s eyes focused on me with a clarity I hadn’t seen in years. ‘She should be pissed after the shit you’ve pulled. Ever since Tahoe, you’ve been running. After college, it was travel. Then all over the place for work. You were only in Atlanta that short time before coming here. It’s like you’re terrified to settle down. Make a connection with anyone.’

She huffed out a breath and ran her hand over the braid running down her back.

‘Torran has a right to be angry at me too for what I did to the house. Together we’ve wreaked havoc on her life. We need to acknowledge that fact and set things right.’

‘Torran accused me of the same thing. Of always running when things get tough. What if too much has happened for her to forgive me? She has the new show, and once the house is done, people will be falling all over themselves to hire her. I bring too much pain to her life.’ I shook my head. ‘She’s better off without me.’

‘I’ve seen the way she looks at you, Beck. There’s a tenderness there that can never be stripped away no matter how badly you’ve screwed things up.’

‘I wish I could believe you,’ I said over the dry scratch in my throat.

‘Do you remember how at Christmas Dad would hide one special present under the tree for Mom? He’d tuck it into a back, low-hanging branch, and pull it out after all the other gifts were open?’

‘I can’t think about that, about them, right now.’

‘Do you remember?’ she pressed.

‘Yes. It was always something handmade like a piece of jewelry or art.’

‘When Dad gave it to her, Mom would look at him as if he was the only human being on the planet. There isn’t a word for how much they loved one another. It was almost eternal. That’s the way Torran looks at you.’

She placed her pale fingers over the top of my hand.

‘Go to the house and tell her how much you love her. Say it over and over until she believes it’s true. The two of you are like Mom and Dad.’ A sad smile lifted her thin, chapped lips. ‘You were meant to be together. Don’t ruin that because you’re too afraid your happiness will be wrenched away again because, dammit, that’s no way to live.’

It was both painful and freeing to hear Piper talk about our parents. For the first time in years, she didn’t flinch when she said their names. It gave me hope that she was making the first steps toward recovery.