Page 33 of Everything But Mine

She shakes her head slightly. “I don’t understand why you’d want this. You don’t owe me this, Eric. You know that, right?”

I exhale, and the laugh that comes out is hollow. “I don’t trust Daray,” I whisper. “You know my history with father figures.”

She leans back into the table, like my truth is bringing us back together.

“You’ve gotten caught in the wreckage of that more than once. And I don’t trust Daray to get it right. So the baby never wonders if it was their fault their father walked away. And because you—” My voice almost breaks. I clench my fists in my lap, keeping myself held in. “You don’t have to do this alone,” I croak past the lump in my throat. “It’s all on your terms. Always. But Amanda, this baby… They won’t have to even wonder if their father loves them. Because I-I already do.”

She doesn’t move, but there’s a storm in her eyes. A storm that gives me hope. “I’m not even planning on staying with you, Eric.”

“Well, you’d obviously have to,” I say before I can stop myself, and try to smile, but it lands sideways. “It’d be the best for our child.”

Our child. The phrase reverberates through me like a struck chord. Her lips part slightly. Her arms stretch on the table, so close, as if she’s about to touch me. My heart is knocking into my ribs. Until she pulls her arms and crosses over her chest.

“What about Daray?” she asks.

“What about him?” I counter.

“If we go around saying the baby is yours, he’s going to think I cheated on him with you. Does that sound like a good plan to you?”

“I honestly don’t give two fucks if Daray thinks we’ve been sleeping together for months. Do you?” I say a little too fast. “We’re raising a baby together. That’s all anybody needs to know. You and I keep our truth close to our chest.”

“And Val’s. Cat’s out of the bag with her.” She gives me a sly look.

I nod. “And Diego’s.”

She nods, her voice low. “You’d do this with me? Even if we don’t… Even if we’re not together?”

“I’d do it only with you,” I say, and I mean it. “Stay with me… For now. We’ll need more space, but we can move elsewhere. Or not. We just figure it out as we go.”

Her eyes glisten, and she turns her face slightly like she’s hiding from me. “I can’t trap you this way, Eric. You do this, I let you do this, you become a parent. There’s no way back from that.”

“Good,” I say, leaning forward again. “I’m not playing here, Amanda. I’m deadly serious.”

She laughs, almost in disbelief. “This is insane.”

“Look.” I sigh, frustrated. “This is really fucking sane to me. This is my choice, if you’ll take me.”

She watches me, eyes narrowing just slightly, measuring the truth in my words. “Don’t get me wrong, Eric,” she says carefully. “I’m not trying to throw it back at you, but… you don’t have the best track record with me. You retreat when things get rough. And you leave wreckage behind.”

Her words slice deep, but I don’t flinch. “Amanda,” I say, my voice quiet yet unshaking. “Give me some fucking credit for the growth I’ve done the last three years.”

Her eyes search mine, wide and unsure, as if she’s trying to see who I’ve become. Like she wants to believe I mean it, but doesn’t know if she should.

“How would it even work?”

I smile. I’m not backing out. Not from her. Not from this baby. Not from the terrifying hope of becoming something more than the sum of everything I’ve ruined.

“We’ll do what we’ve always done,” I say. “Play it day by day. Find the boundaries as we go. Redraw the lines when we need to.” And this time, I won’t fuck it up.

“And we’ll never talk about them?” There’s a playful grin on her face.

“And we’ll never fucking talk about them.” The tension dissipates as we laugh. “Also,” I add, “Imagine how crazy this is going to drive Daray. When word gets to him we’re having a baby.”

“You certainly talk a good game. That might be the best reason yet…”

“I’m serious, Amanda. I want this. With you and this baby.”

There’s no immediate response after that. She doesn’t nod. But she doesn’t leave or curse at me either. I bask in the silence and savor its possibilities. In want. In hope.