Page 7 of Everything But Mine

He waits for me to nod. I don’t. But I do know how he gets; he becomes a man-child who can’t get himself out of water.

“She was relieved it was just stress. She cried. Wouldn’t say why. Until she kissed me.”

“Sounds beautiful.” I’m surprised there’s no sarcasm in my voice.

“It was,” he says, smiling, his expression tender. “Still, I kept my distance and planned to stay with you. I thought it was just jitters, you know? People get those.”

“But it just didn’t feel right.”

He nods. “It didn’t feel right.”

As much as I hate this, he’s right. Moving in. It never felt quite right. Even bringing him around, out in the open for everyone to see.

“So, the night before your move—” He clears his throat. “She came over. Things got heated, and⁠—”

“It just kept happening,” I add for him since he can’t.

Daray becomes emboldened by what he thinks is acceptance. “It just kept happening.” He pauses. “I was going to stop it, and choose you, or at least really try to choose you.”

“Because you owe me?” I spit out the words, insulted.

“There it is again. Your I’m-too-good-for-this resolve.”

I’m back to seething.

“You’re strong and proud. And it’s sexy. God, is it sexy. Remember how we were at the beginning?” He smiles, soft, like a trip down memory lane is going to help me. “But it’s not what I want. Not long-term.”

He lets that sink in for me, thinking I need time to process, but that’s not me. I can process, alright.

He chuckles. “You know what’s funny? Back when this all started, in the ER, it felt like my heart was breaking, and all I wanted was for you to show up. I know you couldn’t—you would have, but I didn’t call—” Daray’s Adam’s apple bobs. “Thing is, I would have tried because you do deserve someone who tries. But then⁠—”

He inhales sharply. It’s about to get bad. Bad like nothing else he’s said till just now.

“But then I got her pregnant.” Daray must see some reaction from me because he starts rambling. “I’m sorry. I swear, I did not intentionally put you at risk. She hasn’t been with anyone else. We used condoms. She missed a pill. Nothing worked.” He actually chuckles. “Once is all it takes.”

If only you knew.

“Thank you for elaborating. That’s it for me tonight,” I say, putting a lid on it before I lose it, scream my lungs out, and scratch his face. I hang on to my manners like they’re a shield from violence I’m ready to let out. Wouldn’t he love that, losing him being the one thing that cracked my composure? “Well, congrats, Daray. Now, I finally need one thing from you. I need a few minutes. I just need a few things. I’ll make a plan for the rest.”

This is smart. It gives me a casual, easy-to-explain reason to set up a meeting later, after I have decided what to do with my little situation. Because now, it definitely feels like mine and only mine.

“Of course. Whatever you need. I can leav⁠—”

“No.” I cut him off before he offers to leave me alone. I will wreck the fucking place and get arrested. “You can call her. Have her come back, for all I care. Give me thirty minutes before she does.”

Once again, it’s go mode. Work clothes, casual clothes, who-gives-a-fuck clothes—clearly the most important ones. Work shoes, casual shoes, who-gives-a-fuck shoes. If anything, I am consistent. Irreplaceable mementos. Workbooks, survival books, gives-life-meaning books. Those are essential now. Laptop. iPad. Notebooks. You wouldn’t be able to tell that someone’s moving out just by looking; nothing is out of place, nothing seems empty. Everything here was hidden under the cover of lies and deceit.

I gather everything. Daray is poking at the takeout on the coffee table.

“That’s mine.” I am dying on this petty hill.

He startles and steps away, then stares at me somberly, clearly feeling conflicted by my visible need to get the fuck away quickly.

“Do you need help? I can bring stuff down.”

I glanced at his feet. No shoes. If Daray meant it, he would have put something on.

“Absolutely fucking not.” I grab the takeout and head toward the door. I am so close, and I am doing it on my own. No tears. I’m almost out, but Daray needs to be a fucking dick.