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LJ chuckled. He played with her hair, and even though the evening had taken a severe turn, Holly wanted to purr at the delightful sensation of having this man pet her.
“Anyway, a motorcycle pulled up next to where I was lying in the road, and this big guy with long, curly hair and an MC cut hopped off his bike and helped me up. He called me Little Miss and told me to climb on the back of his bike and said he’d give me a ride home. God, was I terrified. All my life I’d heard that the MC was full of sex-crazed maniacs who basically did drugs and had orgies all day long before going out and murdering innocent people.”
When LJ snorted, Holly said, “You laugh, but I’m only exaggerating a tiny bit. Anyway, it was get on the bike or hobble the mile and a half home with knees that stung like a bitch. I can still remember the exact moment I realized the pain in my arms and knees outweighed my fear. And you want to know what?”
“What, sugar?”
“He couldn’t have been nicer to me. He delivered me home safe and sound exactly two minutes before my dad walked in the door. And the next morning, my bike was in the driveway with a brand-new tire and a note that said Thank you for trusting me, Little Miss.” She rubbed a hand over the left side of her chest where a familiar ache had formed. “For the longest time, I really didn’t think he did it.”
“But?”
She shrugged. “But he was convicted. And my family was one hundred percent convinced the right man was behind bars. After a while, it was just easier to go along with their thinking. And, I guess, eventually I started to believe it myself.”
Once again, neither of them spoke, but this time the silence was much more comfortable. Finally, Holly said, “I should have gone with her to the mall.”
“Oh, baby,” LJ said, grasping her shoulders and pushing her back to stare straight in her eyes. “That kind of thinking is nothing but toxic. Trust me, Holly, you can spend a lifetime playing what if and swimming in guilt and the only outcome will be you drowning. It won’t change the past, but it will poison your mind. Nothing about the night your sister disappeared is on you. You hear me? Nothing.”
He spoke with such vehemence, such bone-deep understanding, Holly’s focus shifted from her own heartbreaking past to LJ. “Has that happened to you? The drowning in guilt?”
His expression dulled, but he nodded once. “You don’t survive multiple deployments without coming home with some kind of guilt.”
Holly wanted to ask more, craved to know everything about him, but he’d spoken with a finality that had her thinking he wouldn’t talk about it anymore. Plus, after spilling her own guts, she felt wrung out emotionally; not ready to dive right into another intense conversation. Hopefully another time. Because if this conversation had done anything for her, it’d made her realize she was fighting a losing battle in the war to keep her feelings away from LJ. “I don’t think you or your club are like the biker who killed my sister. I can recognize the difference, LJ. It’s clear as day.”
“But your family?”
And there was the heart of her internal struggle. “They’re never going to accept this. Even a friendship between us isn’t going to work. It’s not the kind of thing that will grow on them with time. They won’t tolerate it while disapproving behind our backs. They’ll be outwardly hostile.” She wanted to shake some sense into them. Clear the corrosion from their minds and force them to see how good LJ and his brothers were at their core.
“You’re close to them?”
Her laugh sounded harsh and uncaring, but how could she describe her relationship with her parents? “They love me. I know they love me, but their love has become a noose around my neck. My parents are petrified of something happening to me, so they are very involved in my life. I can’t go anywhere or do anything without them needing a full play by play and detailed itinerary. And the crazy thing is, I can empathize. I remember in vivid, gut-wrenching detail their reactions after we heard Joy’s body had been found. It nearly destroyed them and what’s left of their lives would be demolished if something were to happen to me. I know we don’t have a healthy relationship, but…” She shrugged, out of words to justify her allowing them so much influence in her life.
“They’re holding you back, smothering you, and you let them because of what they went through.”
“Yes. But I’m working on it. Getting my own apartment was the first step. Working with Toni and Jazz is the second.”
