Page 118 of Where Roads Lead

Of course I would. Especially since I was somehow creepily on top of keeping tabs on Elsie. But I’d meant to segue into the topic of seeing if she were open to the possibility of seeing anyone.

Namely, me.

I guess I was shittier at this than I thought.

“Look, Elsie, I guess what I’m really trying to say is…well, I mean, you told me about your ex…but I was wondering.” I cleared my throat, trying to summon the willpower to just be a goddamned man and ask her, “Have you ever thought about putting yourself out there again?”

She blinked.

“Well, I don’t know, I mean…I haven’t really thought about it.” Her words came out in a torrent. “Do you think I should?”

I watched her leg bounce and wondered why the question unnerved her that much. Did she know I was into her? Did the idea of it turn her off? Make her uncomfortable.

I tried to backpedal, aiming for a casualness I wasn’t sure I could pull off.

“I mean, I guess if you want to.” I shrugged half-heartedly. “Relationships aren’t an end-all-be-all in a person’s life. If you have other stuff to focus on, then I guess that’s a better use of your time,” I said and couldn’t help but finish it off with one word that might gauge her reaction. “Right?”

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting love.” She frowned, and I instantly became aware that I’d somehow offended her.

“I didn’t say—”

“You can still be successful and career driven and whatever,” she flicked a hand in the air as her forehead creased with frown lines, “and still have an element of romance in your life.”

“Yeah,” I said simply, hoping to throw her off my tracks a little bit. “Sure. But like I said, it’s not something you necessarily have to go chasing after. If it finds you, great. If it doesn’t, oh well.”

But all I really wanted to say was, has it found you? Do you feel whatever I feel between us? Am I delusional? Is this all in my head because this is the first time I’ve felt anything even close to this feeling in years?

“I guess you would know, right?” she said abruptly. “Aren’t you, like, a chronic bachelor by choice?”

Her words held a hint of disdain, and I wondered if I had pushed too far in the wrong direction.

“No.”

“Oh, so you have a girlfriend?” she asked.

“Of course not.”

“But you go on dates?”

“Not recently,” I bit out, wondering how the conversation had turned so drastically.

“Because you have unrealistically high standards?”

“What? No!” I said hurriedly. “I don’t have standards!”

Jesus, I can’t say that and then tell her I like her…

“I mean, I have standards,” I corrected. “Normal standards.”

Wait, but does that make it sound like she’s not anything special?

“Above average standards,” I said through a grimace, realizing it might’ve just made me sound more of an asshole. “Uh, never mind.”

I started to turn, needing to get the hell away and regain my composure so I could ask her in plain English if she wanted to go on a date with me.

“Look, Elsie.” I turned back for a moment, trying to plant the seed. “All I’m saying is maybe you should put yourself out there. With someone who really likes you.”

“Noted.” Her face was nearly stone as she responded with a curt nod.