Page 21 of The Late Bloomer’s Playlist

‘Well for once he and I are singing from the same karaoke screen.’

Janet and David didn’t exactly hate each other. I think all of us grew out of that sort of energy somewhere in our thirties; when it occurred to us that the expenditure for it was more than we could afford in terms of brain space and eye rolling. But they didn’t exactly get along either. The two of them were especially fond of sparring and I think our wider friendship group – myself included – had lost track of how seriously and/or playfully they did that. I’m not altogether sure they knew themselves. Given that the only time they were forced together was during an annual holiday party in someone’s living room, though, it didn’t seem that important to work out whether they truly hated each other, secretly adored each other or whether – my personal theory – they’d had a misguided and drunken night of passion at some point and were now compensating with dislike, in the hope that no one would ever know the truth. I hadn’t shared that theory with either of them, though; I valued my life.

‘Has she asked you out?’ Janet pushed.

I bunched my mouth to one side and let out a small, ‘Yes.’

‘Then why on earth–?’

‘I don’t know, Janet. I’m nervous, all right?’

‘Of?’

‘Everything.’

‘Okay, let’s unpack that.’ She checked her watch. ‘We probably have time.’

‘If I wanted a counselling appointment, I’d be in a different office.’

‘If you ever voluntarily went to a counselling appointment, I’d assume you were a cyborg.’ I nodded along; she made a fair point. I’d never exactly leaned into the process of talking about my feelings. It was another genetic trait. ‘Are you nervous of the sex?’

From the corner of my eye, I saw another mother’s head snap up.

‘Janet…’ I cautioned her.

‘What? This is a private conversation.’

‘No, it isn’t.’

‘Well, imagine it is. Is it the sex?’

I sighed. ‘In part, yes. It’s also… the whole dating thing, and the David thing and–’

‘What does David have to do with this?’ she snapped. ‘Is he holding you back?’

‘No, he’s practically shoving me out the door!’

‘Then what… Oh, oh I see.’ She gave my thigh a squeeze and reached for my hand afterwards. ‘You’re nervous of another woman ruining your marriage?’

The same mother tutted then, and I narrowed my eyes at Janet. ‘You’re doing this on purpose…’

‘A little.’ She shrugged. ‘But it’s still a private conversation.’

‘I’m just… I worry that…’ I shook my head and tried to force everything out in a rush before the admission could hide away too deep. ‘I worry I’ll meet this woman and things will go well, and she’ll, whether she means to or not, she’ll just stroll in and she’ll change everything.’

Janet flashed me a tender look. She reached up, cupped my face, and ran her thumb over my cheek. ‘I know, lovely Patti. And isn’t that exciting?’

‘I…’ My mouth bobbed open and closed. Is it? ‘I don’t…’

‘Janet Sutton?’

‘Bingo!’ Janet shouted and giggled at her own joke.

I gently slapped her backside as she stood. Silly bird, I thought. Wise, silly bird…