Page 40 of The Late Bloomer’s Playlist

A handful of seconds passed before she said, ‘Oh.’

I thought the speed at which she’d come to catch my meaning was likely an answer in itself. Of course she didn’t worry about her body. Janet had a long string of ex-boyfriends in her history all of whom were young enough to be her sons. She hadn’t dated someone her own age since the divorce.

‘Is there…’ She paused, and I guessed she was weighing up how to ask whatever was coming. ‘Is there something in particular you’re worried about, exactly?’

I was glad we were having this conversation shoulder to shoulder while we walked. I wasn’t sure I would have been able to look her in the eye as I answered. ‘You know, everything.’

She laughed. ‘There must be some parts of your body that you like.’

‘Okay, I’m especially worried about the saggy parts.’

‘And what are they, specifically?’

‘Everything.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous. We need to cross here, love.’ She paused while we hurried across the road before the traffic lights could turn. ‘It’s impossible that everything sags.’

‘Boobs, stomach.’

‘There’s a lot besides those.’

‘But they’re meant to be the sexy bits, aren’t they?’

‘How’s your arse?’

‘I haven’t seen it in a long time.’

Janet tapped my arm and laughed with me. ‘Do you do squats?’

‘Are you out of your… What is it with you and David? Why do you spend middle age–’

‘You take that back!’ Janet snapped, coming to an abrupt stop that left me two steps ahead of her. ‘I am not in my middle age.’

I noticed how she said nothing of David and smirked. ‘I’m sorry, that was uncalled for.’

‘Right, now carry on.’ She linked arms with me. ‘You were about to ask why we spend so long taking care of our bodies and I have a short answer for you, and I’d wager David’s answer to be the same.’

‘Go on…’

We came to a stop outside the bistro and Janet pushed the door for me to walk in first, but I lingered, waiting on her answer. ‘It’s because we spend so much time having sex with people so much younger than ourselves. Now, in you go.’ I walked ahead, chuckling to myself as I moved. ‘And your bum looks good to me,’ she said with a light tap on my rear.

‘Ladies, do you have a table–?’

‘Coo-ee! Janet!’

Janet smiled at the server. ‘It’s okay, we’re with that rabble.’

I followed Janet towards a table taken up by five women. One by one, Janet introduced them as June, Etta, Helen, Letitia and Vera. And while I’m sure Vera was lovely, on first impressions she looked so conservative – in her shades of beige outfit where the only smudge of real colour was a thick-knit brown cardigan that she’d pulled tight around her shoulders – that I wondered how Janet even knew her.

‘Everyone, this is Patti.’

‘Hello, all,’ I said as I tucked myself into a free seat. ‘Sorry we’re late. I’ll say it because I know Janet won’t.’

There was a chorus of laughter before June answered. ‘Well, we wouldn’t expect her to.’

‘Lovely to meet you, Patti,’ Etta said, and she leaned over to squeeze my arm in lieu of a handshake.

‘And you, all of you.’ They were all smiling bar Vera. Honestly, Janet, how do you know this woman? ‘I love that cardigan,’ I said by way of trying to at least hairline fracture the ice of her expression. ‘It looks ever so comfortable.’

‘That’s our Vera,’ Janet said. ‘Always dressing for comfort.’

Vera answered the comment with a tight smile and that’s when I realised– Ah, Janet, doesn’t know you; you’re friends by association. And I found I was less eager to impress Vera then.

‘We’ve been shopping,’ Janet announced as she reached for a menu. ‘Patti has herself a new girlfriend and she needs something sexy.’ Her tone was playful. ‘Any style tips, girls?’

‘Well–’ Letitia started to answer but Vera cut across her.

‘Patti, aren’t you married?’

Janet’s head shot up, and I saw her glance among her friends. I recognised the look all too well. She’s trying to work out who knows what story… I smiled at the merest hint of panic on my friend’s face. It wasn’t something she wore often – or well. But given that I wasn’t there to impress Vera, there was really only one answer to her question that I could think to give.

‘Yes, but he doesn’t mind.’

Helen belched out a high-pitched HA. ‘No, I daresay mine wouldn’t either.’

‘As I was saying…’ Letitia started again before signposting a collection of shops within a short walk of the bistro she thought we should try.

I reached under the table to give Janet’s hand a quick squeeze while she went back to browsing the menu. Vera didn’t speak to me again for the entire time we were there together – and that was just fine.