Page 55 of The Late Bloomer’s Playlist

David gave me a warm smile and kissed my cheek. ‘I do appreciate you doing this for me, Patti. You know that?’

Despite our unconventional arrangement, and despite David’s blasé approach to life, there had never really been a time in our marriage – or before it, in truth – where I hadn’t felt appreciated by him. It was an easy yes then, as I nodded confirmation and stuck up my thumb to gesture to the doors.

‘Come on, you fool, let’s get this woman to fall in love with you.’

David held the door open and motioned for me to go ahead of him. There was a wash of relief on his face when the front of house said we were the first to arrive. David liked to know which direction his quarry was coming from, I thought with a sly smile, but I didn’t think it would be a helpful thing to voice aloud. Instead, I smiled primly as he held my seat out for me and I said nothing sarcastic at all about how he was treating me like more of a lady than he perhaps ever had.

‘I know what you’re thinking,’ he said as he pulled out the seat opposite me for himself.

Elbows on the table, my chin between my palms, I answered, ‘What am I thinking, husband?’

He was watching the door. ‘You’re thinking I never pull your chair out when we have dinner.’ An abrupt laugh hiccupped out of me. ‘See, I knew it.’

‘But I’ll always expect it now, as payment.’

‘Should I sit next to you instead? Is it suspect if I… But if I sit next to you then I won’t be able to see the door.’ He started to bite his thumbnail. ‘No, no, I’ll stay where I am.’

‘David…’ I placed a hand palm up on the table.

‘That’s good,’ he said, placing his hand inside my open offered one. ‘It’ll look good if we’re holding hands when they walk in. Look at me lovingly, too, would you? I want them to really feel that we’re husband and wife.’

‘David!’ I said again, this time through bubbling laughter. ‘We are husband and wife, you pillock.’

‘Oh, you know exactly what I mean.’

I squeezed to get his attention. ‘I do. Please, try not to be quite so nervous? She’ll suspect that something is amiss if you do, and then the whole thing might fall to bits.’

‘You think the whole thing will fall to bits?’ he repeated in panic.

I rolled my eyes and dropped back in my seat. ‘There’s no reasoning with you when you’re like this. Shall we get some wine, for the table?’ I glanced around for a waiter. ‘What does Eudora drink, do you know?’

David’s eyes widened. ‘No. Should we get red and white, to be sure?’

‘She might prefer rosé.’

‘Patti, please.’ He snatched his hand away and started to smooth down his shirt. ‘I hardly think that she’s bisexual.’

‘Yes, because wine choice is the defining factor for these things.’ I collected the wine menu from the space between us. ‘We’ll get red and white, and if it turns out that Eudora is bisexual then we’ll have to cross that bridge when we–’

‘They’re here.’

I moved to turn around and David batted a hand at me.

‘Don’t turn and stare! Just, should we– Let’s stand? Let’s stand and I’ll do introductions.’

‘Okay.’ I pushed my seat back. ‘But remember to introduce me as your wife.’

‘Piss off, Patricia. Eudora, hello!’ He moved from whispered nerves to smooth-talking charm at a speed that could have caused whiplash. I resisted the urge to rub at my neck as I stood, feeling a sudden tension there. ‘Lovely to see you, and lovely to meet your friend. Let’s get these introductions out the way.’ I was too busy rearranging my dress – that was suddenly revealing more leg than I would have liked, despite my earlier confidence – to notice that David was tugging at my shoulder, trying to turn me around to face the newcomers. ‘Eudora, I’d like you to meet my wife–’

‘Patti.’

It felt like cold water hitting my face. Even before I looked up, I knew.

Oh God, please let me be wrong, please let me…

I lifted my head to greet Eudora and her friend.

‘Sheila.’