Page 53 of In the Dead of Night

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

The question shouldn’t have shocked him, but it did. Just hearing the words aloud was like the blade of a knife running across his chest, cutting him open, tearing out his heart. If things had turned out differently that night, he would have had a child with her.

But Nancy had died that night. And while Nick had held her in his arms, unable to help her, watching her broken body bleed out, he’d not only lost the love of his life, but his child.

“Nancy was two months pregnant when she died in that car accident.” The voice that croaked out the words sounded nothing like his own.

Sara stood ten feet away, watching him. But the distance between them felt more like a mile. “Oh, Nick, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“My mother is the only person I told about the baby. Nancy had had a miscarriage just a year before. We’d decided to wait until she was through her first trimester before making the announcement.”

“That must have been awful for you.”

Even after a year Nick could barely bring himself to think of that night. He’d been on call and was the first responder on the scene. Seeing her battered and bleeding body had fundamentally changed him, ripped something inside him that could never be repaired. It was a nightmare he never wanted to repeat. It was the reason he’d sworn he would never love another human being, he would never love another woman. He would never put his heart and soul on the line and risk having fate chop it to bits.

He’d always believed being alone was a far better fate than being subjected to that kind of hell. Then came Sara Douglas with her enduring love for a world that could be cruel—and a smile that could melt even the most isolated of hearts.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He didn’t. But Nick knew they would eventually have to. He couldn’t stick his head in the sand and let things continue the way they were. Maybe he’d been in denial, but there was more going on between him and Sara than he wanted to admit. He owed her the truth. When the time came for him to walk away, he wanted to be able to do it with a clear conscience.

“Come here.” Picking up both their wineglasses, he carried them to the coffee table and sat on the sofa.

Sara followed and sat down beside him, not touching, but close enough so that he was keenly aware of her. He could smell her floral and musk perfume….

“You didn’t realize you were dealing with damaged goods, did you?” he asked.

“I don’t believe you’re damaged goods.”

He fell silent, remembering, trying to put the images running through his head into words. “I got the call at dark fall,” he began. “A motorist had seen a car go off the coast highway. They didn’t know the make of the car, so I had no idea it was Nancy. I wasn’t expecting her home for another hour or so.”

“My God.”

“I arrived on the scene before the paramedics. The car had gone through the guardrail and plummeted about a hundred feet in a rugged area. I didn’t think anyone could have survived, but you never know. I’m EMT-certified so I grabbed my kit and a thermal blanket and hiked down.”

Even now, the memory of that initial shock of recognition elicited a cold sweat on the back of his neck. “The car was badly mangled, but I recognized it immediately. Nancy had been thrown from the vehicle, and I found her about twenty yards away.”

Vaguely, he was aware of Sara’s hand covering his. He wanted badly to take comfort in that small connection. But his mind wouldn’t let him as he relived the most horrific moment of his life all over again.

“She was semi-conscious, bleeding, hurting.” He swallowed the lump that had formed in his chest. “I wanted to hold her, but she was too…broken. I couldn’t risk moving her without a backboard. She kept looking at me, but she couldn’t speak. Her eyes…her expression…I felt so helpless because there was nothing I could do to help her.”

A sigh shuddered out of him. “I got on my cell, told the paramedics to hurry. I covered her with the blanket. I talked to her. I lied to her, told her she was going to be all right. But I knew she wasn’t.”

Sara squeezed his hand. “In a situation like that, all you can do is give hope and comfort. Nick, I’m sure you did both of those things.”

“I held her hand. It was so cold and limp in mine. It seemed to take forever for the paramedics to get there. She died before they arrived.” His voice broke and he fell silent.

A big part of him hadn’t wanted to share this with her; he didn’t want her to know his demons. But another part of him knew it was the first step to warning her off. Already, he was feeling too much. Not only on a physical level, but emotionally as well. An emotional attachment to a woman was the one thing Nick could not allow.

Beside him, Sara turned to face him. Nick didn’t look at her; he didn’t want her to see the emotions he knew were emblazoned on his face. But he caught the shiny wetness of tears on her cheeks.

“You lost two people that night,” she said. “I can only imagine how horribly difficult that must have been.”

“You’ve suffered your share of loss.”

She was silent for a moment, then lifted her hand as if to touch him. “Yes, I have. But everyone experiences grief differently. The one thing I do know for certain is that time really is the great healer.”

He jolted when her fingertips made contact with his jaw. “I haven’t…been with anyone since,” he whispered. “I haven’t wanted to.” He finally made eye contact with her.