Page 45 of High Water

“And you’re planning to do this too?”

“I mean, maybe not at your place in the Springs, but if I was out of town for work or on a girl’s trip, I might take advantage of being someplace new.”

“No.” The word comes out harsher than I intend, and it elicits the quirk of one of her eyebrows.

“No?” she asks, her tone icy. “You expect me to stay celibate while you get to fuck whoever you want?”

“No, I expect my wife to come to me if she has those kinds of needs. Particularly when she knows damn well I’m capable of meeting them.” My tone is still sharp, but this is a hard line for me. It’s one thing to be a million miles away from her, knowing she was in someone else’s bed, but I’ll be fucking damned if I watch it happen in front of my eyes. “Some might even say I could exceed them to some pretty enthusiastic praise.”

“I was not trying to imply that you aren’t… capable in bed.”

“Good. Or it would be confusing why you invited me up to it the other night.”

“The other night is exactly why we can’t.”

“How do you figure?”

“We had that whole time at the ranch house when I was sick. We were getting along. Laughing even. It was almost like old times, and then the other night happened, and now it’s awkward.”

“Awkward?” I echo the word she emphasizes.

“You do remember the messy fight we got into, right? I mean, I know I’d had a drink or two, but even I remember the fight.”

“I needed to clear my conscience first. I couldn’t sleep with you knowing I still had that weighing on my shoulders, and I couldn’t exactly concentrate when you were running your hands all over me, and⁠—”

“Stop!” she says, louder than I think she planned, given the way she winces at her own interruption. “Please, I don’t need a recap. I remember how painfully awkward it felt. I think you can understand that being rejected is not the best feeling in the world, even if it makes sense. That’s why I’m saying we should set this boundary. If we’re not crossing that line, then we can’t risk hurting one another in that way.”

“I wasn’t rejecting you.”

“It certainly felt like you were in the moment.”

“I’ll get on my knees right now if it’ll take the sting off. Happy to show you exactly what I would have done under different circumstances.”

Her eyes flash with interest for half a second before she’s all business again.

“There aren’t different circumstances. There’s just this. Us and now. I’ve thought this through. I know we were good at all the benefits before. I’m not saying the sex was bad. I’m just saying it came with risks, and those are risks we can’t afford to take now. What if I got pregnant again?” She poses the question as if it’s a problem. But the image of her pregnant again, married to me, in our house? Fucking hell. It’s not a problem. It’s a challenge. One I’m more than up for if I can just get permission from her to do the work.

“Then we’d have to pick out names and set up a nursery.”

“Don’t be a smart-ass.”

“I’m not.”

“You want to tack on eighteen more years to this marriage sentence?” It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell her yes. I’d take eighty if I thought she’d give that to me. But she doesn’t let me get a word in edgewise. “No. You don’t. So be reasonable, please, and respect this boundary?”

I don’t want to argue with her, and I sure as fuck don’t want her thinking I won’t respect her boundaries.

“Fine, but I have an addendum.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s me or no one, and vice versa.”

“So you want to stay celibate until she goes to college?”

“I want to stay celibate until you decide you’re ready. Then I’m yours as often as you like.”

She lets out a sharp sound from the back of her throat.