Page 49 of High Water

“There was no plot.”

“But Bishop is Uncle Levi’s best friend, and Uncle Levi and Uncle Grant have never liked Dad all that much. It’s obvious whenever he’s been here. They didn’t invite him out to do stuff. They didn’t spend time with him the way they do Bishop.”

This is exactly the kind of keenly perceptive awareness I love about her and worry about all at the same time.

“Your uncles and your dad didn’t have as much in common as they do with Bishop, but they liked your dad just fine. There’s a difference between someone who is a friend and someone who comes into the family because your family member marries them. You’re still getting to know your uncles’ fiancées, right? That takes time, and your dad, unfortunately, didn’t get to come back here with us much. Bishop lived here with us for several years and always came back for holidays and leave when he was in the military. So we got to see him a lot more.”

“Until he was gone for fifteen years!” she shrieks.

“He had his reasons for that. Ones I’m sure he’ll be happy to explain to you more, especially as you get older.”

She suddenly looks horrified again, and it melts into a strange look of curiosity on her face.

“Was he married? Do I have siblings?” Fallon asks.

“No. Neither.”

“Other aunts and uncles?”

“He has a half brother. They’re not close. And your great-grandmother.”

“What about my grandparents on that side?”

“They’ve both passed away. Your grandmother passed away before you were born. Your grandfather just passed away last year. That’s why Bishop came home.”

“So my grandfather was just on the other side of this mountain all this time, and you never let me meet him before he died?” Her face turns stormy as a new bout of anger brews under the surface.

“Your grandfather was not a good person. It’s why Bishop came to live with us, and you are better for not having known him. I regret ever having met him myself.”

“What happened to me having choices?”

“Your choices stop when it involves something I know would harm you. At least while I have a say.”

“I can’t wait until I turn eighteen.” She shakes her head, her arms folding in tighter around her middle as she starts to pace. “So there’s nothing I can say? Just… no matter what, you’re going through with this?”

“I love Bishop. I want to be with him. I think you will love him, too, once you get to know him. No one is trying to replace your dad. Not even Bishop wants that.” I take a breath before I continue, waiting to see if she’s going to interrupt with another tirade about my midlife crisis. “But he’s already missed so many years of your life, and now that he and I have fallen in love again… I know I don’t need time to make that decision. I know I want to be with him.” She shakes her head, and I know her thoughts are with Ethan. “I loved your dad, Fal, but it’s been a long time since he and I were in love with each other. We were honest with you about that long before Bishop was in the picture. And it’s such a rare feeling. Someday, when you have it for yourself with someone you fall for, I think you’ll understand why it’s something you want to rush toward.” The furrow on her brow recedes ever so slightly. “But if you tell me that this is absolutely unbearable for you, I will take that into consideration. I know you’ve been through a lot this last year. There have been so many changes in such a short period of time. I understand it’s overwhelming.

“If this truly makes you miserable, of course, I don’t want that for you. I love you to the moon and back, Fallon. I’d do anything in my power to keep you happy and healthy—and your mental and emotional health are part of that. I’m just asking you to take a day or two to consider your feelings first. It’s hard for me to take what you say when you’re angry as your final word. I know we both need time to process things when we’re upset, and it’s absolutely valid that this upsets you. Once you’ve thought through it, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Even if that’s you saying you don’t want to know Bishop, or you still hate the idea of us being together. Would you like to talk again in a day or two?”

She nods silently, not meeting my eyes, but the stormy look on her face has faded to something more contemplative, and it gives me hope that she might still come around on this.

“I love you. So much. Can I have a hug?” I hold out my arms but wait for her okay.

“I love you too,” she responds, leaning forward and wrapping her arms around me under my own. I squeeze her tight and kiss her forehead. Every moment like this feels fleeting. I know the older she gets, the less of these I’ll have, and I’ll take every single one I can get. The thought of her growing up and moving away to college or returning to Boston to be closer to Ethan hits me hard, and I press another kiss to the crown of her head, giving her one last squeeze before we go our separate ways.

Trying to navigate her needs, Bishop’s, and my family’s is stretching my own emotions thin, and I’m doing my level best not to cry in front of her. I don’t want her to feel like her arm is being twisted into something that will bring more misery to her door, but I also know that I’m the adult in the room, and Bishop’s and my feelings are valid as well. If we love each other, we should be together.

Shit.

Now I’m convincing myself that my feelings for him are real. I probably need the same couple of days Fallon does to process what any of this means and dig through my own emotions. If I’m going to manage them and keep myself steady for her, keep myself strong for this family, and brace myself for the onslaught of mixed emotions I feel whenever Bishop is near, I’m going to need to start making time for myself through all of this. Easier said than done.

TWENTY

Bishop

I spend the whole day working with Anson, Hazel’s oldest brother, planning the renovations and rehab of Fool’s Gold Homestead. If Aspen and I are going to make a go of this with our daughter, I want our family to have a home. Not just a house. And I know there’s nowhere Aspen used to love more than that homestead. It was her private getaway as a teenager, one she slowly let me into over time. One that she rescued me from on one of the worst days of my life. But it needs to be made into something that’s truly ours now, and I’ve got plans. Thanks to Anson and his construction company, I finally have a way to put it all in motion. He was even on board with letting me do some of the work myself as long as it passes muster.

Then I’d run to see my Grams and tell her that I’m planning to marry the mother of my child. She’d been quiet in thought, freshly up from her nap after a long morning of playing cards and helping water the flowers in the communal garden. She wanted a quick summary of the events that led to our engagement and a wedding date, both of which I’d given her. The highlights, anyway. The date is more tentative than anything. I’m nervously waiting to hear Aspen’s full report on her discussion with Fallon later tonight.