Page 61 of Forever After Fall

“The big thing is whether or not you want to try to go back to the way things were, knowing this other version of him exists, or whether you want to try something new.” Marlowe makes the choice simple.

“I like the routine that we had. I like having Anson as a rock I can count on. I want to be in Ford’s life, and I hate the idea of risking it. Something new feels completely uncharted.” I’m scared of losing what I’ve had for so many years trying to chase something new. I’m scared of losing Anson.

“He’ll always be there for you, Bristol. I know that much about my brother. I just think the thing you really need to ask yourself is if that rock you can count on is gonna feel the same if he meets someone and gets remarried. There’s a whole lot of your routine that’s going to disappear. For better or worse.

“You don’t want to be sitting around after he’s engaged to someone new wishing you had a second chance with him. It’ll be too late. Take it from me. There were so many nights I missed Ramsey after we separated. I thought I might die from the grief of losing him. I don’t wish that on anyone.” Hazel says something that makes my chest tighten as I imagine Anson walking down an aisle with someone else.

The idea of having to smile and toast to their future twists my heart in my chest. It must show on my face because Marlowe reaches out and pats the back of my hand.

“Sometimes you don’t get to decide whether you’re going to lose something or someone; you just get to decide what part of them you’re going to lose.” Marlowe’s brows knit together, and her eyes drift over me.

“Or what you’re going to keep.” Hazel’s pointed look returns, and I feel my stomach flip again.

“Or what you’ll gain by giving up the past.” Marlowe nods.

We sit for a long while in comfortable silence, drinking our coffee and eating our pastries. My friends are always good for that. Silently just being there for each other and knowing they have me and I have them if and when we need it. I love them for it.

“You’re right. It’s impossible to freeze time. There’s no going back to what we were, and either way it’s going to be different between us in the future. Not to mention, Anson deserves a second chance at happiness more than anyone I know.”

“You both do,” Hazel chimes in.

“Yes, don’t forget that part.” Marlowe underscores Hazel’s words with an arch of her brow.

They’re right. I know they are. I just have to decide what that second chance looks like and how we make it happen. But I’ll need Anson’s help to make those decisions.

TWENTY-EIGHT

Anson

The last thing I expect is Bristol showing up at my office, so when I look up from a new project proposal I’m reviewing and see her standing in the doorway, my heart jolts in my chest. I saw her note on the counter this morning, saying she didn’t want to wake me up. But what she didn’t know is that I barely slept all night. The anticipation of losing her was killing me slowly.

I tossed and turned and worried about how the hell the two of us were going to move forward. What it was going to look like without her there every day, or if she wanted to stick around for Ford, how I was going to manage to forget everything that’s happened the last couple of months. I’d have to find a way. I would eventually. For Ford’s sake and our family.

But in the meantime, I was going to need a lot of fucking black coffee to keep me awake after the sleepless nights. Coffee I always drink in a mug she gave me because this woman permeates every corner of my existence, and frankly, I wouldn’t have it any other way if it was up to me. But this isn’t up to me. For once, I have no control. No matter how many barriers and guardrails I’ve put in place. I just have to hear her out and let this unfold.

“Hey,” she greets me, the same dark shadows under her eyes that I’d seen under my own this morning. “Can I come in?”

“Sure. I didn’t expect to see you here.” I try to explain away the surprise on my face.

“I didn’t want to wait until tonight to talk to you. Figured the sooner we talk, the better.”

“Makes sense.” I usher her in and shut the door behind her. “I need to tell you a few things too.”

I’m prepared for her to tell me we have to end things today. I just want a chance to explain, before my heart breaks, that I’m gonna do whatever I can to fix anything I broke on the way. I want her to be able to trust me again. I need her to know she can still turn to me if she needs someone.

“Okay. Do you want to go first? Or me?” She sits in the chair, her purse pulled close to her, and her arms cross over it. I guess neither of us is excited about this conversation.

“Mind if I do?”

“No. Go ahead.” A soft smile appears but fades just as quickly.

“I talked to Jasper already this morning. Apologized for the way I handled things these last few weeks, but I told him that you deserved your privacy. He agreed. He said it just took him off guard, and he’s hoping he can apologize for how he reacted if you give him a chance. I think he genuinely forgives us.”

“That’s very understanding of him.”

“If he cares about you as much as he says he does, it’s only right. You were friends first.”

“Fair enough. Hopefully we can fix it.” She nods. I feel like we’ve switched places today. She’s the one with the terse answers, and I’m doing all the explaining.