Page 31 of The Quiet After The Fall

Maybe that’s too vague. I flop back against my pillows and stare at the ceiling.

-Figure out what the fuck I want when it comes to Knox

Okay, that’s better. The next is a given.

-Start classes. Make that your main focus.

Yes. The thoughts are flowing now. But what else? I know there’s things I need to focus on. My life is a fucking mess. But every thought brings me back to Knox. Stupid fucking brain and its inability to stop thinking about him.

-Figure out the shit with Knox and Ella’s dad…because wtf

Now I need something not Knox related. Come on, Sawyer. Think.

-Find a new hobby

Maybe art or sewing or guitar or some shit. I don’t know…just something, because what did I even do before Owen died? Was I always this pathetic?

That’s a loaded question I can answer when it’s not a 2 AM life crisis.

I stare at the list until the words blur together. Four bullet points. That’s all I’ve got for a plan. Dr. Mead would probably tell me it’s a start. And maybe I do feel a tiny bit more relaxed.

I lock my phone and set it face down on the nightstand next to Owen’s. Two phones. Two men. One giant mess.

I turn off my lamp and close my eyes, willing sleep to come. Maybe two minutes go by before my phone buzzes.

I already know it’s Knox before I pick it up.

Knox: I’m sorry.

Well, color me fucking shocked. I want to say, sorry about what? You’ll have to be more specific about the lifetime of bullshit you’ve put me through. But I don’t…for him to apologize, he’s already beating himself up enough.

I start typing a response, getting only one letter out before another text comes through.

Knox: Tonight was the best night I’ve had in a long time.

I wish I didn’t agree. But there’s no denying it. Before that call from Ella’s father, I was starting to warm up to the idea of having Knox in my life again.

Me: Same

Knox: Thank you for hearing me out about everything going on.

Me: Well, you didn’t give me much choice, Stalker. And everything going on? Not entirely accurate.

I picture him smirking at his phone in the dark, pulling some response that will both infuriate and entertain me. Then I remember that he’s probably laying in bed next to her and my heart sinks.

Knox: Like I said, as soon as I figure some shit out I’ll tell you more. I just need you to trust me, Thorne.

I swipe over to the list, reading my goals off one at a time. I could delve right now. Dig in for more info about whatever’s going on. But hell, I’m tired. And maybe I’m enjoying this banter between us.

My eyes droop and I peek at the time on my phone. It’s close to three now.

Me: Get some sleep, Aldrich. Don’t you have work in the morning?

The phone feels heavy in my hand, so I rest it against my pillow, fighting my heavy lids to stay open for just a few more minutes.

Knox: You expect me to sleep when I can’t stop thinking about you in that skirt?

I—umm…what? I’m awake now.