Page 216 of Josephine and Clay

“Me. The babies. Buckhorn. Your family. All of it.”

Clay looks away toward the dark yard, and for a moment I worry I’ve pushed too hard.

He watches the yard for several seconds before speaking. “When you told me in that motel room, I was terrified. I still am. I don’t know how to be a father, and I don’t know how to be the man you need every day instead of only when I’m brave enough to show up.”

My throat tightens.

“But resentment?” He turns back to me. “No. That’s not what I felt.”

“What did you feel?”

He lets out a breath that almost becomes a laugh. “Happy.”

The word is soft, almost disbelieving.

“I know how that sounds after the way I acted,” he continues. “I know I don’t deserve for you to believe it just because I say it now, but the second you said twins, every stupid thing I’d been chasing felt small.”

I hold very still.

Clay’s thumb moves over the back of my hand. “I thought the circuit was freedom because nobody could ask me to stay. Turns out that gets old when there’s nowhere you actually want to be.”

“And now you want to be here?”

“I want to be where you are.”

My heart squeezes hard enough to hurt, because that's exactly what I wanted him to say.

Maybe that's why I don't trust it.

I look down at our hands where they're resting together between us. His thumb brushes across my skin, easy and familiar, and part of me wants to grab hold of this feeling before it disappears.

I've wanted plenty of things before.

Wanting never guaranteed I'd get to keep them.

"You've got that look again," Clay says.

I glance up. "What look?"

"The one that says you're about three seconds away from explaining why I'm wrong."

A laugh catches in my throat despite everything. "Maybe I am."

His smile fades a little. "You still think I'm gonna leave."

"I don't know how to trust this yet," I admit.

The words scrape on the way out. He lifts one shoulder. "I've spent years proving I'm good at leaving. I'd be a hell of a hypocrite if I got mad because you're paying attention."

The laugh that escapes me comes out watery and unwanted.

His mouth curves. "There she is."

I roll my eyes immediately. "Don't."

"What? You looked like you were about to file paperwork against me."

"That's not a thing."