Page 258 of Josephine and Clay

Mom points at me immediately. "Exactly. That look right there. Your father spent half his life terrified you'd break your neck. Not that you’d fail."

She reaches up and squeezes my shoulder.

"The money was there because he believed you'd build a life worth investing in."

For months I've carried this belief around like a stone in my chest. The belief that Dad looked at me differently. That somehow meant he believed in me less.

The realization hits slowly.

He hadn't been preparing for my failure. He'd been preparing for my future.

My throat tightens.

Mom reaches over and squeezes my hand. "Clay."

I close my eyes.

Because suddenly I can see it. Every conversation. Every time Dad tried to push me and got frustrated. Every time he wanted more from me.

Not because he thought I was hopeless.

Because he thought I was capable of more.

I'd spent so many years viewing everything through the lens of my own insecurity that I'd turned love into disappointment.

A painful laugh escapes me. "Jeez."

My voice sounds rough.

After a moment, Mom says quietly, "He was proud of you."

I drag a hand across my face and shake my head.

I finally let myself grieve the years I spent believing I wasn't enough, carrying around a version of my father that wasn't entirely real, and convincing myself I didn't belong here.

Mom squeezes my shoulder. "You've always belonged here."

The words hit harder than the hurt or the doubt ever did. I think I actually believe them.

I look out across the ranch again.

Tomorrow there will still be work to do.

There’ll be babies coming. A house to prepare. A future to build.

There will be mistakes.

There’ll be moments when I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.

But for once, that doesn't scare me. I spent so long chasing the next thing that I never stopped long enough to notice what I already had.

I already had everything that mattered: a family that never stopped saving me a place at the table, a ranch that welcomed me home no matter how long I'd been gone, a woman who found reasons to believe in me when I wasn't making it easy, and two little kids who'd changed the course of my life before they'd even arrived.

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

Josephine

SEPTEMBER 30TH