Page 30 of Librarian & the Rockstar

"Fuck supermodels, Loralei," he says, hooking an arm around my waist to drag me closer. "There is no competition, and you shouldn't believe ninety percent of what you read. Most of the time when I'm photographed with someone, it's for PR, or it's fabricated bullshit. The only one I want is right here in front of me."

My stomach clenches before bottoming out, mostly because the way he looks at me when he says it makes it clear he isn't lying. As far as he's concerned, I'm the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. I think I could die happy knowing that.

He kisses me hard on the mouth, not letting up until my hands are in his hair and both of us are panting for breath and his beard has chafed my skin. And then he leans back, a self-satisfied smirk on his face.

"Bet you aren't thinking about other men now, are you?"

I roll my eyes at him. "You are such a guy, Ash."

He shrugs, unrepentant, and then starts emptying the basket onto the blanket. I watch him for a long moment, trying to work up the nerve to ask him an important question. I've been trying to do it for the last week straight, but I keep finding excuses to avoid the subject.

Everything has been good between us.

Every night, he's been at my place, or I've been at his. I spend every day at work with my head in the clouds. I know Lilah and Jazz have noticed. But they aren't really asking many questions. I think that's mostly because Jazz is preoccupied with stalking River, and Lilah is preoccupied with worrying about Jazz stalking River. As expected, jail was involved. Unexpectedly, I think River might be a little obsessed with her.

"Can I ask you a question?" I finally blurt, before I lose my nerve.

"You can ask me anything," Ash says, the same way he usually does.

"I…" I hesitate and then huff out a breath. "I have a thing on Monday. It's a gala meant to raise money for a big literacy program in the county. Since I'm the head librarian and they do a lot at our branch, I'm expected to attend. Um…would you…?"

"You want me to go with you?" he asks.

I nod, grateful I didn't have to ask.

"I don't think that's a good idea, beautiful," he says, his voice soft.

"Oh." I duck my head, staring at the checkered blanket at my feet. "Of course. You're right," I hear myself say. Except, it doesn't sound like my voice. Maybe that's just the lump in my throat or the sting of rejection burning in my stomach. I don't know.

But that feeling from last week, the one screaming that he's going to break my heart, is suddenly back. Does he not want to be seen with me? Is that why we're out here today? Not because he wanted to show me this place, but because he wanted to keep me as far from other people as possible?

Part of me automatically rejects the idea as impossible. Ash wouldn't do that. But another part, the same part terrified he's going to break my heart, isn't nearly as certain about that.

In all the time he's been here, he's never hinted that he wants to make whatever this is between us public. He's never asked to take me anywhere. The few times he's come to the library to see me, it's been in full disguise.

Maybe I was naïve in assuming that was for his own privacy. Maybe the truth is a little bit sadder than that. I was never meant to be part of his plans. We're just…what? An interlude? A way to pass the time until he's ready to face his real life again? I don't know, but I feel like an idiot.

Even knowing he might break my heart, I let myself fall for him. Even knowing this would probably end in devastation, I kept going. And I feel so stupid for not seeing what was right in front of me the entire time. I was never going to fit into his life, not when he's made every effort to ensure no one even knew I was a part of it.

"Hey." He inches across the blanket toward me, grabbing both of my hands. "No one even knows I'm in town, baby. If I show up at a gala on your arm, the whole event is going to turn into a shitshow. I don't want to make something that should be about the library into a circus surrounding me."

"I…" I study his face, wondering if he means it. And I hate myself a little for doubting it, for doubting him. But maybe that's the cost of hiding. It feels fun and exciting until you realize there's all this fine print you never meant to sign up for.

"I'd go if I could," he says.

"It's fine, Ash," I finally whisper, but it's not okay. Somewhere over the last couple of weeks, I fell in love with him, not with the rockstar I had a crush on, but with the man I've gotten to know.

And I think I just realized that there is no separating the man from the rockstar, not really.

We're back at the cabin before he stops me with a hand on my arm. "What time is the gala on Monday?"

"What?" I blink at him.

"What time is the gala?" he repeats.

"Ash…"

"What time, Loralei?"