Page 32 of Librarian & the Rockstar

I splinter in his arms, shattering into pieces with those three little words ringing in my ears.

When I can breathe again, I wriggle out from beneath him, spinning to face him. "What did you say?" I ask, pretty sure I look like a wild woman.

"You heard me, Loralei," he murmurs. "I didn't stutter."

"I…" I press a hand to my forehead, my mind spinning.

"I love you."

Okay, so I did hear him correctly. He's in love with me.

"You think we've been hiding because I'm ashamed of you or something, but that couldn't be further from the truth," he says, tucking himself back into his pants. "Maybe we've been hiding because I don't want you to realize how fucked up my life is before you decide you feel the same way about me."

"Ash…"

"I can't give you all this," he says, motioning around us. "This isn't my life right now." His throat works convulsively. "But I want it to be. I want to be the man who gets to waltz into the library and take you to lunch without causing a scene. I want to be the one who can take you to dinner without every fucking camera in the vicinity invading your privacy. I'm not that man, Loralei."

"I never asked you to be him, Ash," I whisper.

"You didn't have to ask, beautiful. My world wasn't made for you."

I cringe, taking a step away from him. "What does that mean?"

"It means you deserve better," he says simply. "You shouldn't have to deal with the bullshit that'll come your way if I don't have everything sorted out before…"

"Before what?" I ask, watching the way his jaw clenches. "Before you decide it's okay to love me openly?"

"That's not what I meant."

"Isn't it, though?"

"Hell no," he growls, his blue eyes flashing. "You've always been good enough, Loralei. But I don't want you walking away from me when you realize that my world isn't good enough for you."

I stare at him for a long moment, and then shake my head sadly. "God, you're such an idiot," I whisper, wrapping my arms around myself. "I never needed your world to be good enough, Ash. The only thing I ever wanted was you. You think I care if they shove cameras in my face or plaster me all over the freaking papers? I never cared about that. The only thing I've wanted since I met you was you. I fell in love with you. And I was willing to hide because I thought we were protecting your privacy. But I never signed up to be the damsel in your story, Ash. I never asked to be infantilized like that."

"Loralei, I…" He takes a step toward me, looking stricken.

"I have to go," I mutter, backing away.

"Loralei, wait."

I shake my head quickly, the whole world blurred by tears. "No, Ash. I think I'm done waiting," I say, climbing into the car. I think I've spent my whole life waiting to be brave enough or strong enough or to feel like I was good enough. And the truth is, I always have been. It just took meeting him to realize it.

But I can't wait for him to realize that I don't need him to protect me from his world. I just need him to let me into it. If he can't do that, then maybe there is no future for us. Maybe all we were ever meant to be was two people who met in a storm and realized that we were too different, after all.

I don't need to be a rockstar or a supermodel. I just need him to realize that I'm not a little girl who needs to be protected from the big, bad world, either. I might be shy, but I'm a grown woman, capable of making my own decisions.

Right now, I'm not sure he's ever seen me that way.

"Hey," Sarah says, stopping beside my car in the parking lot after Book Club, worry on her face. "Are you okay, Loralei?"

"Fine," I lie, tilting my head down so my hair falls in my face to hide my eyes. Truth is, I'm a liar. I'm not fine. I spent most of Book Club on the verge of tears, just trying to hold it together. Part of me wants to rush right back to the cabin and take back everything I said. The other part is still mad as hell.

Ash doesn't want to choose me. He wants to choose for me.

A miserable sob chokes me.

Sarah gasps, hurrying around the side of the car to pull me into her arms.