Page 9 of Big Dick Energy

“Landon from Lovable,” I repeated. “I sat at that restaurant for over thirty minutes. The waiter offered me pity wine.”

“On the house?” Kelsie asked.

“On the house.”

“That's how you know it's bad.” She shook her head. “When the waitstaff starts comping your drinks out of secondhand embarrassment.”

“But wait,” I said, dropping my face into my palms. “That's not even the worst part of the night.” I groaned, lifting my head. “So there I am, making my walk of shame toward the exit, when I literally crash into the most arrogantly annoying man on the planet.”

Kelsie leaned forward. “Who?”

“Dallas Dodger.”

Kelsie blinked. “Wait. Dallas Dodger? The professional wrestler?”

“That’s the one.” I could feel my blood pressure rising just thinking about it. “He's Matt's best friend, which means I'm stuck seeing him all the freaking time.”

Kelsie’s brows furrowed. “Okay, what's the deal with you and Dallas?”

“There is no deal,” I said, shrugging. “There is the opposite of a deal.”

“She hates him,” Brooke translated.

“Hate is a strong word.” I paused. “But yes. That would be accurate.”

“Why?” Kelsie asked.

“The man is the walking embodiment of every red flag we've ever discussed on this podcast. He's arrogant and cocky. He cannot remember my name to save his life, and he has this policy where he doesn't date women over the age of twenty-three.”

Kelsie stared at me with wide eyes. “You're joking.”

“I wish.” I shook my head. “He treats the dating pool like a carton of milk. Gotta check that expiration date.”

“In his defense...” Brooke started.

“There is no defense.” I cut her off. “He showed up to your engagement party and asked if the model he ghosted for turning twenty-four was there.” I wasn't going to bring up the bet he made with Matt, since that wasn't exactly public knowledge and it wasn’t my story to tell.

“Okay, yeah, that was bad,” Brooke admitted.

“And then, last Saturday, when I'm trying to get out of the restaurant with whatever dignity I have left, he plants himself in my way and starts making comments about my nonexistent date. Who does that?”

“What did he say?” Kelsie asked, shifting in her seat like she was completely invested in the story now.

“He asked if I had a hot date. When I said yes, he pointed out that he'd been watching me sit alone for half an hour.”

“He was watching you?” Kelsie glanced at Brooke.

“Not in a flattering way. In an I'm going to use this against you way. And then he said...” I dropped my voice a little. “'You have no idea what happens in my dreams.'“

Silence.

Then Kelsie burst out laughing. “I'm sorry, what?”

“You heard me.”

“He said that? To you?” Kelsie asked. “What does that even mean?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know, but he definitely said it.” I crossed my arms. “Like he's some kind of romantic hero instead of a man-bunned menace who probably practices that line in the mirror.”