Page 100 of Certified to Handle You 3

“I love you, Mama.”

She leaned into me for a second before turnin’ right back toward the TV, and I smirked while pullin’ both of my girls closer.

I sat here lookin’ at Toni with My’Love between us, and the pride I felt went deeper than just knowin’ another baby was comin’.

This was the shit I wanted. My wife was beside me, our daughter was laid up between us, and Toni was carryin’ another piece of both of us. I had a house full of people I loved and another baby on the way to add to it, and there wasn’t shit outside these walls that could’ve made me feel bigger than I felt sittin’ right here with my family.

I glanced down at Toni’s stomach again and rubbed my hand over it before smilin’ to myself.

My dick had done exactly what the fuck it was supposed to do after all them months of tryin’, and knowin’ I could still fuck the shit out my wife and put another baby in her had a nigga feelin’ proud as hell.

Toni caught me lookin’ at her stomach and gave me this look like she already knew what was goin’ through my head, but I kept that shit to myself and leaned over to kiss her instead.

She smiled into my lips before layin’ her head on my shoulder, and I tightened my arm around her and My’Love while the cartoon kept playin’.

I rubbed my hand over Toni’s stomach again and kissed the top of her head, already knowin’ the next few months was finna be about keepin’ her comfortable, makin’ sure she had whatever she needed and gettin’ our baby here safe.

For now, though, I was cool right where I was with my wife tucked into me, my lil’ girl between us and another baby growin’ inside Toni.

Amiri

Bein’ in Amiri for four days wasn’t as bad as I thought it would’ve been.

I came all the way out here with one thing on my mind, and that was findin’ Renza, but somewhere between my first day and now, I had to accept that I might not be able to do that as fast as I wanted to.

Amiri wasn’t no lil’ ass island where I could walk around for a few hours and eventually bump into him. There was people everywhere, different parts of the island, beaches, hotels, houses, restaurants and more places than I could keep count of.

Renza could’ve been ten minutes away from me or clear on the other side of Amiri, and every day that passed without me seein’ him made me realize how hard it was gon’ be to find one person who had no idea I was even lookin’ for him.

That ain’t stop me from tryin’, though. Every mornin’ I got dressed and left my hotel with my purse, my phone and enough money on me to get around for the day. I had taken so many cabs that I was startin’ to recognize some of the drivers, and I had walked through more parts of Amiri than I ever thought I would. I went back near Salt House more than once. I walked along the beach, stopped inside lil’ stores, checked different restaurants and spent time around places where people seemed to hang out. I had even sat outside longer than I needed to after eatin’ a few times just so I could watch everybody comin’ and goin’.

Every tall man with a beard had me lookin’ twice, and every black truck made my eyes follow it longer than they needed to.

After what happened the other day when I walked up on that truck thinkin’ it might be Renza and saw that older man behind the wheel, I told myself I needed to calm the fuck down.

I couldn’t keep turnin’ every man on this island into Renza just ’cause I wanted to see him that bad. I had been missin’ him for so long that being somewhere I knew he was had my mind all over the place, and every day I woke up with this hope that today would finally be the day I found him.

At the same time, Amiri was beautiful as hell, and I had already spent too much money gettin’ here to lock myself inside a hotel room cryin’ over a man I couldn’t find.

Before this trip, the furthest I had really gone was Trill-Land. Everything else in my life had been Greystone City, work, home and the same shit I had been seein’ for years. Comin’ here by myself had been scary at first, but after four days, I was startin’ to understand why people spent money to disappear somewhere pretty for a while.

The weather had been beautiful every day since I got here. The sun was hot without makin’ me feel like I was finna pass the fuck out, and once I got closer to the water, there was always enough breeze to cool me down.

The ocean was so clear in certain spots that I could see my feet through the water when I walked along the edge.

There was palm trees everywhere, music comin’ from different places and food I had never tried before. Toni sent me some money so I had bought a couple lil’ things to take home, took pictures I probably wasn’t gon’ post and even sat on the beach one afternoon long enough to watch the sun start goin’ down.

For a few hours here and there, I could actually enjoy myself. Then I would see some shit that reminded me why I came.

A man would laugh somewhere behind me and sound a lil’ too deep. Somebody would walk past wearin’ a cologne that made me turn my head. I would smell weed somewhere and find myself lookin’ around before I could stop myself.

Every time it happened, my mind went straight back to Renza, and whatever peace I had managed to find for a few minutes would be gone ‘cause I would start wonderin’ where he was all over again.

Out of everywhere I had been, I kept findin’ myself back on the same strip near the water. There wasn’t some deep reason behind it that I could explain. I just liked it over here.

The restaurants I liked wasn’t far away, the beach was close, and the whole strip stayed busy enough that I could walk around without feelin’ like I was out here by myself.

There was small stands lined along the sidewalk sellin’ drinks, fruit, jewelry and all kinds of shit to tourists. Music played from somewhere almost all day, and people moved back and forth between the beach and the stores until the sidewalks was packed.