Page 34 of Certified to Handle You 3

I watched him walk through the doors with his suitcase behind him, and I sat here a lil’ longer than I needed to after he disappeared inside. I told myself to pull off, and go home. I told myself to breathe.

Now it was the next mornin’, and I was gettin’ ready to go see about Renza.

That thought alone made my stomach twist.

I went to my dresser and grabbed my license from where I had put it the night before, then checked my card and slid both inside the pocket of my purse.

After that, I checked my phone to make sure I had everything I needed. My battery was good, the airline app was already open and my flight was still showin’ on time. I stared at Trill-Land sittin’ there on the screen for a few seconds before I locked my phone and dropped it in my bag.

I ain’t know what I was walkin’ into, and that was the part that had my nerves so bad.

I slipped on my shoes, grabbed my purse and carried my bag toward the door.

My mama knew I was goin’ out of town, but she ain’t know everything sittin’ under it. I gave her enough to keep it from turnin’ into a whole thing, and that was all I had in me right now.

My Uber was already three minutes away when I stepped outside.

The air felt cool for once, and I stood on the porch with my carry-on and my purse on my shoulder while I waited. My heart was beatin’ too fast for somebody just goin’ to the airport. Every car that turned down the street made me look up, and when the Uber finally pulled in front of the house, I took one more look behind me before I walked down the steps.

When I got in the back seat, I gave him a quick good mornin’ and buckled myself in. He confirmed the airport, then pulled away from the curb while I sat back and watched my mama’s house get smaller behind us.

The ride felt longer than it was. I kept lookin’ out the window while the streets passed by, but my mind wouldn’t stay on nothin’ in front of me. It went from Couture at the airport yesterday to the house he had shown me, then from that house to Renza and the way I had been callin’ him with my pride already on the floor.

By the time we pulled up to departures, my stomach was in knots.

The driver stopped near my airline sign, and I thanked him before gettin’ out. Cars kept pullin’ in and pullin’ off. Suitcases rolled over the sidewalk. Somebody was fussin’ at a child to stay close and a man in a work shirt was kissin’ a woman goodbye like he was already late.

I looked at the doors and swallowed. Then I pulled out my phone and texted Toni.

Me: I just made it to the airport.

She answered before I even made it inside.

Toni: Okay cousin. Text me when you board. I’ll be there when you land.

I stared at her message for a second, and it helped more than I wanted to admit. Toni knowin’ I was comin’ made the whole thing feel a lil’ less like I was floatin’ by myself. I ain’t have to explain it to her all over again. She already knew why my heart was draggin’ me back to Trill-Land.

Me: I will.

Since I only had a carry-on, I ain’t have to stand in that long ass line with everybody checkin’ bags. I already had my boardin’ pass on my phone, so I went straight toward security and followed the signs while my palms started gettin’ damp.

The line wasn’t too bad yet, but it was enough people in front of me for my nerves to have room to act up.

I stood here with my phone in my hand, movin’ forward every few minutes while the line curved through the ropes. When I got closer, I pulled up my boardin’ pass and took my license out so I wouldn’t be the one holdin’ everybody up. The woman in front of me had to dig through her purse for her ID, and I used that extra time to check the screen again like my flight was gon’ disappear if I looked away too long.

When it was my turn, I handed my license over and held my phone out.

The TSA officer scanned my boardin’ pass, looked at my ID, then looked at me. I stood here tryna keep my face normal even though my stomach was twistin’ again. He handed everything back, and I took it with a quick thank you before movin’ toward the bins.

I put my purse in one bin, my shoes in another and laid my phone on top of my bag so I could keep track of everything. I pushed my carry-on onto the belt, then stepped forward with the line, watchin’ my stuff roll into the machine.

The whole airport felt too loud right then, with shoes tappin’, trays slidin’, people talkin’, workers givin’ directions and the machine beepin’ every few seconds. It made me feel like everybody had somewhere to be, but I was the only one goin’ toward a life that might break open as soon as I got there.

I stepped into the scanner when they told me to, lifted my arms and waited for it to pass over me. When they waved me through, I grabbed my stuff from the belt and moved to the side so I could put myself back together. I slipped my shoes on, put my license and card back in my purse, checked for my phone and walked with my carry-on toward my gate. The walk gave me too much time to think.

I passed coffee spots, lil’ stores, people sittin’ with headphones on and families tryna keep all the bags together.

The smell of food was comin’ from somewhere close, but my stomach was too tied up to want any of it. I stopped at a small shop anyway and bought a bottle of water ‘cause my mouth felt dry.