Page 4 of Certified to Handle You 3

My heart started beatin’ so hard that I could feel it against my chest when my thumb hovered over the call button while every sensible thought in my head told me to put the phone down.

I pressed it anyway and brought the phone to my ear while my heart

Was beatin’ fast as fuck. It rang once, then twice, and when the third ring came with no answer, I swallowed hard and kept waitin’, hopin’ Renza would pick up before the call went to voicemail.

Every second that passed made my stomach hurt worse. I kept expectin’ to hear his voice come through the phone with that irritated lil’ “Wussup?” he always gave me when he wanted to act like hearin’ from me ain’t do nothin’ to him. Instead, the call went unanswered.

I pulled the phone away from my ear and stared at the screen.

Renza always answered me…

Even when we was mad at each other, that nigga answered eventually. I sat here tryna convince myself he was busy, sleep or somewhere his phone wasn’t near him.

I opened our messages before I could lose my nerve.

Me: Can you call me when you get a chance?

I read it three times before sendin’ it. Then I waited. At first, I kept my phone in my hand. Every time the screen went dark, I touched it again just to make sure I ain’t miss shit. After ten minutes, I set it in my lap and told myself to go in the damn house. But I couldn’t move.

Fifteen minutes passed, then twenty. By the time thirty minutes went by, I was still sittin’ in the driveway with dried tears on my face and Couture’s ring on my finger while my phone stayed silent in my lap.

I picked my phone up again and checked it even though I knew damn well I would’ve heard it if Renza called. I leaned my head against the seat and closed my eyes while another tear slipped out.

“Call me,” I whispered.

I ain’t even know what I was gon’ say if he did. Maybe that was a lie ‘cause somewhere inside me, I knew exactly what I was gon’ do.

If Renza called me back and told me he still wanted me, I was goin’.

The thought came into my head so clear that I opened my eyes. I looked at the house, then down at the ring on my finger.

I would give Couture his ring back. I would tell him the truth even if he hated me after I finished. I would apologize to Ms. Emoree and everybody else later ‘cause I couldn’t marry her son knowin’ I was capable of leavin’ him the second another man called my phone.

I wasn’t packin’ no clothes, or makin’ no damn list. I wasn’t spendin’ another week thinkin’ about what made the most sense. If Renza called and told me to come to Trill-Land, I was gettin’ my ass on the first thing that could take me there.

That realization should’ve made me feel worse about Couture, but instead it finally made me understand how unfair I had already been to him. Couture deserved a woman who could sit beside him while he talked about houses, weddin’s and babies without secretly hopin’ another nigga would call her phone.

And Renza…

I covered my face with both hands as another wave of tears came. The longer he went without answerin’ me, the more somethin’ ugly started growin’ in my stomach.

I pressed my lips together while tears filled my eyes again. I wanted to call one more time, but I stopped myself ‘cause if Renza was purposely not answerin’ me, blowin’ his phone up wasn’t gon’ change whatever made him decide he was done.

I stared at his number on my screen while my thumb rested near the call button.

“Please,” I whispered as another tear rolled down my face. “Just call me back.”

For the first time since I walked away from Renza, I wasn’t askin’ Renza to chase me. I wasn’t askin’ him to prove how much he loved me or fight harder than I did.

I was finally ready to stop runnin’, and all I needed was for him to reach back.

Trill-Land

I was still in my whip, sittin’ in this same empty ass lot with the engine off and both hands in my lap while I stared through the windshield.

I ain’t know how long I had been here. It was long enough for the sun to move and long enough for the inside of my truck to get hot as fuck, but I ain’t give a fuck enough to turn the air on. I had spent all this time tryna get my shit together, and somewhere in the middle of it, the tears I had been fightin’ finally won.

I wiped my face hard with the palm of my hand and looked down at the shit across my skin. That shit pissed me off more than anything. I rubbed both hands over my face and leaned my head back against the seat ‘cause I ain’t understand how Sha’Nelle had managed to hurt me this fuckin’ bad without even bein’ here.