Page 73 of Certified to Handle You 3

She had been around enough back when me and Reni was dealin’ with each other to know when a moment carried more than the room needed to hear. She ain’t ask no questions though. She just hugged Reni from the side, told the bartender she wanted the same thing, and kept her face cool while her eyes said she was peepin’ everything.

A lil’ while later, we all ended up back in the section with Blaq and my other potna. Blaq looked from me to Reni, then back to me, but he ain’t say nothin’. He just moved over enough for them to sit.

The rest of the night passed with everybody talkin’ around us. Reni laugh a couple times even though I could tell she wasn’t all the way in the room. I ain’t push her, and I ain’t sit too close either. We talked here and there, but it stayed simple with drinks, music and a people we knew.

Still, I could feel the difference between tonight and the last time we had been in a club around each other.

Back then, everything had been messier. Lines had been blurred, and feelin’s had been bruised. Tonight, I sat here with a cup in my hand and watched Reni talk to Mecca, and I knew she was still beautiful. I knew she still had love for me somewhere in them green eyes. I knew there was a time when that look would’ve been enough for me to lean in and let the night carry us wherever it wanted. But I ain’t feel that same pull in my hands.

I ain’t feel the need to grab her thigh, whisper in her ear, or make plans with my eyes before we even stood up. That ain’t mean I ain’t care about her. It just meant I cared enough to stop treatin’ our history like a place I could run back to whenever my present had me fucked up.

When the club lights came on and the music changed, everybody started movin’ toward the exit.

Reni had a lil’ buzz on her by then. It wasn’t sloppy, but was enough that her eyes was softer and her steps was a lil’ slower beside Mecca. We walked out with the crowd, and the night air felt better than the club had. People was laughin’, callin’ rides, arguin’ about after-hours, and tryna stretch the night past where it needed to end.

Outside, Mecca walked a few steps ahead to answer her phone, and Reni ended up next to me near the curb. She looked up at me, and I already knew what was comin’ before she said it. It was the same question that had hung between us before.

“What you doin’ after this?” she asked.

Her voice was soft enough that I almost wished she had said it with more attitude. That would’ve made it easier. She stood there lookin’ at me with her pride tryna hold her face together and her eyes askin’ more than her mouth did.

I slid my hands into my pockets and looked toward the lot where my car was parked. “I’m ’bout to go home and lay my black ass down.”

Reni nodded slow, but she ain’t look away. “That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

She pressed her lips together, and I saw the pushback rise in her before she swallowed it. Pride stopped her from sayin’ too much, but hurt was still sittin’ right there with her. “You sure?”

I looked at her, and I let the answer sit in my face before I gave it to her. “Yeah. I can’t do that with you tonight, Reni.”

Her eyes flickered, and her fingers tightened around the purse in her hand. For a second, I thought she might say somethin’ sharp, but she just looked down, blinked a few times, and nodded like she was tryna accept the words without lettin’ ‘em embarrass her.

“Okay,” she said.

That one word carried more than it should’ve, and I hated that it had to. I ain’t wanna hurt her again. I ain’t wanna make her feel like she was reachin’ for somebody who had already stepped back. But I knew goin’ home with her would’ve been worse. It would’ve been me usin’ old comfort to cover a new wound, and Reni deserved better than bein’ somebody I touched ‘cause I ain’t know what to do with myself.

“Where you parked?” I asked.

She pointed across the lot. “Over there by the light.”

“I’mma walk with you.”

She ain’t argue. She just started movin’, and I walked beside her while Mecca trailed behind us on the phone. The lot was still busy, with cars pullin’ out, headlights flashin’, and folks still standin’ around. Reni stayed quiet, and I let her ‘cause I ain’t wanna fill the space with words that would only make it heavier.

When we got to her car, she unlocked it but ain’t open the door right away.

She turned toward me, and for a minute, we just looked at each other. There was a whole chapter of my life in her face, from the good parts, hard parts, parts I mishandled and parts I couldn’t go back and fix no matter how clean I tried to say sorry.

I stepped closer and pulled her into a hug, and she came into it slow before her arms wrapped around my waist.

I held her right. It wasn’t nothin’ extra, but just a real hug for somebody who had mattered to me before everything got too tangled.

Reni’s cheek rested against my chest for a few seconds, and I felt her breathe in before she pulled back. Her eyes shined a lil’ under the parkin’ lot lights, but she kept herself together.

“Take care of yourself, Renza,” she said.

I nodded. “You too.”