Page 160 of The Fall Classic

Kayla smiles. “Then I’ll make some calls.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

Logan

Istare at Georgie’s text on my phone, and the urge to call her is overwhelming. Something’s going on with her, and not knowing is eating away at me.

So is the memory of Lucas getting hit by that comebacker and dropping to one knee.

So is the reality that I still don’t know what’s going on with Coop.

All of this uncertainty and fear are swirling in me like a tornado, pulling in more and more fears—my arm, my contract, my future; if Georgie will get tired of being a baseball girlfriend or wife; thinking about how my mom isn’t here and how badly my dad misses her; worrying about how Liesel’s worrying about Coop—it’s all too much, too big and loud and heavy. So, so heavy. It’s pulling me apart and pressing down on me at the same time.

I can’t do this anymore.

My thumb is hovering over the call button⁠—

I can’t call her. That won’t help anything, and I need help.

I drop my phone back into my locker and get up, walking past my teammates, not quite hearing them, aware that by stalking away, they may think I’m a jerk but I can’t add one more worry to my shoulders⁠—

I’m lying. I’ve already added it.

And it’s with all of this crushing weight that I walk down a series of small hallways, the volume from the clubhouse lowering with every step, and stop at an office where an older bespectacled man is sitting and doing a crossword puzzle.

I rap my knuckles on the open door, and Dr. Chang looks up with a pleasant smile. “Logan. I wondered if I’d see you today. Come in.”

I close the door and drop to a chair, grateful that Doug has him available during the playoffs.

“I’m dying out there,” I say. “It’s all too much. I can’t stop my head from spiraling, and I’ve forgotten everything you taught me, and I’m dying.”

“You have a lot on your mind, and it’s understandable you’d feel overwhelmed. Why don’t you try some box breathing? Let’s give your nervous system a chance to settle. In for four. Hold for four. Out for four. Hold for four.”

I try it and give up immediately. “I can’t. I’m not just overwhelmed. I can’t even think. I’m all sweaty. My heart feels like it’s being stepped on. Lungs are too tight. Hands are freezing. I feel like I’m gonna have a panic attack.”

He nods slowly, steepling his fingers in front of his face.

“Okay. I’ll wait.”

“What?”

“I’ll wait while you have the panic attack.”

“I don’t want to have a panic attack.”

“Then don’t fight it.”

“What?”

“Logan, your body is already doing what it’s doing. Fighting it won’t help.”

“But it hurts!”

“Yes.”

I stare in total bewilderment. “What are you doing?”

“I’m waiting.”