Page 117 of Raspados & Regret

Fabián

Letting me be nervous without laughing.

For not making me feel stupid for not knowing what I was doing.

Asking me if I wanted to stop.

My throat tightens.

Elías

It’s basic decency, papi.

Fabián

Yeah, but not everyone does that. Sometimes people forget that enthusiastic consent is still a thing for men too.

That comment makes me think about him and his ex. I only know about what happened between them because my sister is a full-on chismosa.

About eight months ago, his then-girlfriend cheated on him at her cousin’s wedding. She was caught face down on the couch in the bridal suite, taking it from some loser named Pedro.

I don’t think Fabián was ever the same after that.

What gets me even more is the way he joked about his hand being his only partner, with all that loneliness sitting underneath it. The man apologized for almost hurting me before he even had. He was shocked by being guided instead of judged.

Elías

Well, I’m not everyone.

Fabián

I know.

And like I said. I’m grateful it was you.

My chest warms and then cools immediately, because warmth is dangerous and I am not a man who handles fire responsibly. The next message comes slower.

Fabián

That’s the problem.

I stare at the screen.

There it is, the little crack in the glass.

Elías

Why is that a problem?

No reply.

My stomach tightens.

Elías

Fabián?

Still nothing.