Page 120 of Raspados & Regret

I didn’t ask you to kiss me in front of a line at the market.

Fabián

I know that too.

Elías

It’s not like I’m asking you to be my boyfriend. I mean… We fucked… once.

You’re making this into something it’s not.

I’m not going to out you.

Technically we aren’t anything to each other. Just two guys that fucked.

The second I send it, my chest hurts. I don’t want to boil us down to the bare minimum… because to me it felt like more than that.

It was more than that.

Boyfriend—what a tragic little word.

Fabián doesn’t answer right away, and ten minutes later when he does, the message is worse because it is careful.

Fabián

I know you didn’t… and please don’t be like that.

Elías

Like what?

Honest? What are you even asking me?

Fabián

I’m asking for time. That’s all.

That should be fair. It’s more than fair.

He deserves time—everyone deserves time to figure themselves out, to decide what they want, and to peel old fear off their skin without someone rushing them through the process like it is a line at the DMV.

I know that.

I know it so clearly; I hate myself for hurting anyway.

Elías

Time for what?

Fabián

To figure out what I’m comfortable with people knowing and when.

Wanting me and feeling things for me already happened. It’s letting everyone else see it that scares him.

That is what hurts.

Elías