Page 79 of Demons Dig Donuts

“Uh.” Indy hummed for a long moment and then popped his tongue. “No. No, I do not.”

Debbie shook his head, slowly sitting up. “Let’s get going then.”

“Huh? What happened to being tired and wanting to die all alone?”

“If the Mostros manage to take your Artifact and continue their rule of Somerstown, I know that monsters will still suffer. But…” Debbie groaned as he stood. “At least they’ll still be alive for the privilege.”

“Well, right now, I have it.” Indy wiggled his finger with the ring. “And I don’t want to hurt anyone, all right? I just want to go home, get drunk, and watch RuPaul with my Gammy.”

Debbie smiled. “Oh! You like RuPaul’s Drag Race?”

“Yeah!” Indy laughed. “You watch it too?”

“Tyra Sanchez is my favorite—”

“Ew. Maybe I will leave you here to die.”

“Let’s just go, hmm?”

Dill had finally finished breaking all of the bars and beamed. If he had a tail, it would probably be wagging. He left the cell and headed down the hallway. Shiny bits of green in his cloak glowed, some kind of bioluminescent plant material, and lit the way forward.

Indy was right behind him, tapping his nails against his palm. There was, of course, a very silly part of his brain that hoped Mr. Heiss would come for him, but he didn’t want to set himself up for disappointment either. Mr. Heiss only cared about the ring, and all the dancing, drag queen watching, and sexy bathtime torture didn’t change that.

No matter how much Indy wished it did.

As usual, he needed to handle this himself and be his own damn hero.

After all, it was the only way no one could let him down.

The hallway was long—insanely so—but finally came to an end with a crude wooden door. There was a tiny slit cut into it, and Indy pushed past Dill to peek through and see what was on the other side. As soon as he did, his heart dropped into his stomach like a stone.

There was an army.

Dozens upon dozens of monsters, maybe even hundreds, mulled about a rocky clearing outside. Weres, imps, naga, and more than Indy could even name, though he’d slept with at least one of each species present.

Except the spider guy.

Spiders were a big nope.

Beyond the clearing and giant army of terrifying monsters was a set of three metal doors. Considering the doors were attached to absolutely nothing, Indy assumed they were portals. He didn’t know where they led, but anywhere had to be better than here.

“Shit,” Debbie hissed. “What are they all doing here?”

“How the fuck should I know?” Indy spat back.

“We have to get to those doors. If I can get close enough, I can alter the spell to have one of them bring us back to Somerstown.”

“How close do you need to be?”

“Very close.”

Indy groaned and scrubbed his hands over his face. “Okay, we need… We need something. We need a distraction.” He patted his pockets, finding the two pennies there. “Oh, and I have just the fucking thing.” He grinned as he held them up triumphantly.

Debbie gave Indy a flat stare. “Is this supposed to be a joke about your two cents or something?”

“No! Just, ugh, back up.” Indy kneeled and started drawing in the dirt there on the floor. He did his best to recreate the magical two dicks symbol Gammy had made, trying to recall each and every curve and angle from memory. It was not an image he was going to easily forget, but he wasn’t sure if it was right. There was only one way to find out though.

He placed the pennies on the floor by the symbol, stepped on it, and waited.