Page 98 of Demons Dig Donuts

Mr. Heiss smirked. “So, you’re only half full of shit.”

“Hey!”

“Ah, perhaps that was too generous. A quarter.”

Indy shook the glass. “I will dump this on your head and put out your stupid flame crown thingie.”

Mr. Heiss chuckled. “I suppose you would prefer cuddling while we ask personal questions and slobber compliments all over one another to sate our vanity.”

“Yes, that. Let’s fucking do that. Ever hear of aftercare? Hello?”

“All right.” Mr. Heiss slipped an arm around Indy’s shoulders, drawing him in closer. “Ask your silly little questions.”

Indy pouted. “What happened to the compliment slobbering?”

“Be grateful I’m willing to entertain your questions. I can’t promise I will answer them, but good luck.”

“Okay. Fine.” Indy dropped his hand on Mr. Heiss’s thigh. “The German. What the hell is up with all the German? Why does every damn demon from the Celestial have some crazy German name?”

Mr. Heiss burst out laughing. He laughed so hard that the flames between his horns sparked, and his whole face lit up. “That’s what you want to ask me?”

“Yeah! It’s fucking weird.”

“Demons have roamed this realm for eons, but the first collaborative effort for our kind took place in a little town in Germany near the Harz Mountains almost two hundred years ago. A demon named Mr. Mauer had a particular affinity for a natural rock formation there called the Teufelsmauer.”

“He named himself after a bunch of rocks?”

“Teufelsmauer means the Devil’s Wall.”

“So, his name is Mr. Wall.”

“Yes, now shut up if you want to hear the rest of the answer.”

“Yes, Daddy,” Indy cooed.

Mr. Heiss sighed haggardly. “The Teufelsmauer is made of sandstone, a highly desired material for construction, and humans were destroying it to build churches and whatever else. Mr. Mauer was desperate to stop them, but he didn’t want to risk exposing himself as a demon or hurt the stupid meat sacks.”

“Wait, why?”

“How the fuck should I know? Maybe they were as annoying as you are—”

“You mean adorable.”

Mr. Heiss sighed again. “He called on other demons to help him find a way to end the quarrying, short of flaying them all alive. These demons took on German names to blend in and were able to persuade the local authorities to ban quarrying without taking a single soul. Demons all over the world saw what we could accomplish when we worked together using our wits and still staying hidden, and dozens flocked to join them.”

“Let me guess. And they also took on random German names?”

“Yes. Somewhere along the way, it became a tradition and all demons choose one now. Many are not proper surnames, of course, but simply a word they like. Something that inspires them.”

Indy peered up at Mr. Heiss. “What does Heiss mean?”

Mr. Heiss smirked. “Hot.”

“Really? I thought it’d be asshole.”

Mr. Heiss rolled his eyes. “Are you satisfied now?”

“So, you all have a German name because of one demon who really liked a bunch of rocks.”