Page 66 of Crave

“August isn’t answering. Which,” he shrugged, “maybe he and Toph are just gaming, but considering what happened the other day…”

He began tapping out a new message, forehead creased.

“I’m going outside for a minute. Keep me posted.”

The moment I stepped out into the icy December wind, the sharp bite of the cold stung my cheeks and set my ears on fire. A hard gust coming down from the northwest slammed into the side of the house, Cal’s windchimes echoing out across the sleet-flocked hillside.

Sinking into an Adirondack chair, I pulled out my phone, watching snowflakes swirl down in chaotic handfuls from the night sky. A string of old text notifications popped up.

Ethan: Look, don’t get pissed. Lacey’s okay. She’s here with Hayden. No deets. Sounds like girl stuff. I got kicked out.

Ethan: Maybe give her a little while and I’ll bet she calls. Just didn’t want you to worry.

FriesWithThat: Pick. Up. Your. Phone.

FriesWithThat: Honestly, you’re as bad as Brody.

Me: She’s with Ethan.

FriesWithThat: Woah, I just got the play by play from Hayden. Total Switzerland. But you get that Lacey isn’t WITH Ethan, right? Where are you? Cal and I have decided this calls for an emergency Whataburger run.

ThatsDrCaldwell: Dally, just tell us where you are.

Feeling a killer headache coming on, I pulled up a number I rarely dialed and hit Send.

“Hey.” Hard rock wailed over the sound of coffee cups clinking in the background. The music lowered. Ethan cleared his throat. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Maybe. I don’t know… not really.” I let my head thump back against the chair. “Sorry about earlier. Think I just won dickhead of the year.”

“Ask Hayden. After our stunt out on the street, pretty sure I made the finals.”

“Was good what you did, letting me know Lacey was okay. Know that couldn’t have been easy.”

Ethan was silent for so long that I checked to make sure the call hadn’t dropped. And then— “You were right, you know. Hays and I… it was our wedding day and it was chaos, but that’s no excuse. If it had been anyone else who hadn’t shown up, I would have sent someone over to check on them. But things between you and me have been effed up for a while now.”

“Sure.” I watched the big live oaks off Cal’s porch swaying in the wind. “You really thought I’d miss your wedding day?”

“Honestly? Yeah, I did.” For a beat, there was nothing but the creak of the porch swing. “You’ve always kind of had it out for me. Guess I wasn’t surprised when you didn’t show. And, Dally, for what it’s worth, what you said last month at The Spoke, about how would I like it if you’d hooked up with Hayden and made her feel like trash. God—” He made a strangled sound under his breath. “I don’t even know how I’d start getting past something like that. So let’s just say I get it. I have a lot of amends to make for stupid ass decisions I made back then. I’ll keep apologizing to Lacey until she’s sick of hearing it, and I need you to know I’m sorry for what I did to you, too. You’re my brother. That comes before anything else.”

I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “Pretty sure you’re not the only one who’s made a mess of things lately. Maybe we can start by setting this thing between us right.”

Ending the call, I tapped my thumb against the wooden porch railing.

Me: I just transferred the money into your account. There’s more on the way. Use it. Burn it. Take it and rent a series of billboards out on Highway 29 proclaiming what a jackass I am. Up to you. But you’re having my kid. And if you think I’m going to sit around while you and Fancy go halvsies on the last carton of expired takeout in your post-apocalyptic refrigerator, think again.

BabyGotBake: Death wish?

BabyGotBake: Also, was there an apology in there somewhere? Because I seem to have missed it.

BabyGotBake: You know, in between you giving our cat an identity crisis. *skull emoji* *knife emoji*

Damn. I was in trouble.

Me: I was an ass. I’m sorry. And not just for tonight. I owe you an apology for every time I promised you the world then asked you to lie about us like we were a dirty secret. I’m sorry I let us get in so deep, all the while keeping back the truth about who I really was.

Me: I failed you that night senior year when I didn’t stop to tell you the truth before we took that final step. Because it doesn’t matter that we should have been safe. I broke your trust. And you’re the one who’s had to pay for it ever since. And worse, you’ve stood by while I’ve half-assed things and refused to deal with my issues. That ends today. I have no idea how to be a good father. But I’m pretty sure that step one is to go to whatever doctor Cal finds for me and get my head screwed on straight.

Three blinking dots appeared. Vanished. I stared down at the screen, breath crystalizing in the cold night air. A second later, West burst out onto the porch, Cal hot on his heels.