Page 29 of Hunted

I would kickmy brother’s ass for this.

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Okay. Where to start? Yes, it’s true that neural manipulators have to be very disciplined because there is a risk of your rewrites getting sloppy due to rewrite interference. Sometimes strands of memories from the target’s head get twisted up with the ones in your own mind, and as you’re creating the alternate reality, there’s the risk your real memories can get lost. That’s why the number of missions we’re sent out on each month is carefully logged and we’re required to undergo neurological and psychological screenings every sixty days. If we have to break into the mind of a vampire, which is only done in critical situations, we’re taken off duty for a mandatory rest period. Neural manipulators may stay on to fight as Tracers long term, but they won’t keep serving as memory wipers. At least not for more than a decade or two. It’s just too dangerous.”

“That almost makes me feel worse. They know rewriting causes all this damage and they still have you out there doing this?” She flung an arm between us. Tears shimmered in her eyes. She swiped at her cheeks.

I caught her by the shoulders, pulling her into my arms. “That isn’t why I had a headache.”

“It’s not?”

“No.” I lowered myself back onto the barstool so we were closer to the same height, drawing her between my legs. “If I concentrate hard enough, I can block the voices out. I can’t when we’re together in a projection because we’re already in each other’s minds, but now I can stay out of your head.”

Her fingertips grazed my cheek. “But it’s hurting you.”

“Ellie,” I groaned, as her cool fingers began to gently massage my temples.

“When do you ever rest?” Her fingers moved to the back of my neck, finding the tension there.

“I’ll rest when Rossi is caught.”

“And what then? There will always be someone after him, another monster, another threat.”

“And I will be there, waiting for them in the dark. That’s the thing about monsters. The only thing they truly fear is one of their own kind.”

Her hands stilled. “I don’t like it when you say things like that.”

I frowned, leaning into her touch. “Don’t stop.”

She tilted my chin up, fingers tracing the bones of my face. “You’re not a monster.”

“Somehow I think if we called your sister right now, she might say differently.”

“She’s wrong. That day at the compound changed all of us in different ways. Cal and I talk about it all the time in our sessions. I’m working through the ways it impacted me so I can move forward. Hayden… isn’t there yet.” She frowned. “But I hate that you see yourself that way.” Her fingertips skimmed the bridge of my nose, outlined my lips, her breath ghosting over my mouth. I groaned, hard and aching in my sweatpants. “You’re not a monster. You’re a protecter. It’s hard wired in your Alpha wolf blood. But somewhere along the way, you stopped believing you deserved to be protected and cared for, too.”

“Now you’re starting to sound like Cal.”

Her fingertip traced the long scar that trailed along the underside of my jaw. “Who hurt you, River?”

I thought of that stray grasshopper Ellie had rescued all those years ago in gym class when we were kids. I could still picture its antennae twitching as it sat nestled in Ellie’s cupped hands. Somehow it had found the one person in that noisy, crowded gym who would save its life even if it meant taking a failing grade for the day. Because Ellie Crowe was the sort of person who, when handed power, chose to save the life of a bug.

Whereas I had coldly destroyed more people’s minds like they were vermin than I could count.

How long was I going to keep torturing myself with this fantasy that we could ever have a future? Even if I had been born human, or she made the choice to become a wolf, she deserved better than to be with someone like me.

“I’ve been thinking about what Vlad said.” She looked down. “That Rossi will probably come in fast and kill everyone in the lab before anyone has time to react.”

“We’re going to make sure he can’t get in.”

She nodded. “Okay, but what if he doesn’t have to? How far away do you have to be to wipe someone’s memories?”

I rubbed my temples. We’d considered this. Of course we had. “It’s unlikely he could do something that complex from outside the building. Passive listening, maybe. Even for that, I can’t listen in on targets much further away than a few hundred yards.”

“But you also said every neural manipulator’s skills are unique to them.”

“That’s true, and it’s why Fallon and I wrote the shield over your mind protecting you from attack. It should provide you dual layers of protection.”

“What about the other researchers on my team?”

I nodded. “Fallon and the others have shielded their minds. The threat we know about is specific to you.”