Page 33 of Heimlock

Sometimes, I wish there was a way to rewind back time, to that night at the bar. If that version of me could’ve grasped what she was turning down … Now, things are more complicated than necessary. There’s no clear reason why, either. I’m not normally an “I’ll fix him” kind of woman, but there’s something drawing me to him. To the pain he’s nurturing.

Because he is nurturing it like a prized possession. The question is … why?

The comforter vibrates; I lunge for my phone, like a desperate idiot.

Trinte: I can take venues or caterers. You pick.

Damn. He isn’t going to make this easy. Considering the options, I realize one might be more tasty.

Kyrielle: I’ll take caterers.

Trinte: Okay. Did Fynn have a preferred list of venues?

Kyrielle: Yes. I’ll send it over.

Trinte: Thank you.

The pads of my fingers whiten as I death-grip the phone. Stop caring. Don’t do it. He’s just going to bite your head off …

Kyrielle: How are you?

I throw the phone again, queasy. Holding my stomach, I close my eyes and take a deep, slow inhale. If he’s cruel back to me, I swear it’ll be the last bit of effort, ever.

Again, when the phone vibrates, I leap across the bed to grab it. A pillow falls off the bed.

Trinte: I’m okay. You?

Okay, that’s something. Better than, fuck off, bitch!

Kyrielle: Truth?

Trinte: Always.

Kyrielle: I’ve been worried about you.

Grabbing a nearby pillow, I scream into it. The anticipation of a fight is eating me alive. This time, I don't throw the pillow. My eyes bore a hole into it until the screen lights up.

Trinte: Thanks for worrying, but I’m fine.

Trinte: It was just a bad few weeks. I’m doing better now.

Considering I saw him four days ago, I can’t help but wonder what changed.

Kyrielle: Glad to hear it. You know I’m here to talk if you ever want.

Sweat prickles my armpits. My lungs are rioting at the hyperventilating pace of my breath.

Trinte: Look, I’m not trying to be rude, but why? You were clear all those months ago, and again a few weeks ago. My existence, even as a friend, will most likely complicate things.

A frown tugs at my lips. He’s not wrong — I’ve been really insistent. But after hearing about him from Orliana, and seeing how much he cares about them … My opinion is changing. It feels so complicated. What if I’m only interested in him because of his pain I’ve witnessed? Is it like a moth to a flame? Almost literally?

I don’t know.

Kyrielle: I’ve thought a lot about that night recently.

Trinte: Me, too.

Kyrielle: Do you remember that guy who showed us that card trick?