Page 78 of The Price of Love

As much as I wanna be with her, things haveta be out in the open.

“I thought you understood—knew,” I say. “I wasn’t trying to mislead you.”

She gives me a puzzled look. “Knew what?”

I shouldn’t talk about this outside the club, but I can’t move forward with this if she doesn’t know everything. “The Thorns—we’re good people. We don’t hurt anyone, but the law might disagree with some of what we do.”

“Is that a sugarcoated way of saying you break the law—do illegal things?” Shadow says.

I look into her eyes, but I can’t sustain it, so I drop my gaze to the floor. “If you go by the letter of the law, yeah, we break it. Poker games. Races. We don’t hurt nobody.”

“I know the Thorns aren’t Girl Scouts,” Shadow says.

I look up into her eyes. “Does that bother you?”

“Should it?”

“Stalling?”

“Maybe.” She gives me a half smile. “I didn’t figure you had a permit for Casino Night, and I’d heard rumors about your races, and I’m still here.”

“Did you think we did worse?” I’m not sure what I want her answer to be.

“I’d hoped not, but I’ve heard things. You know the Thorns have a reputation, especially with clubs like the Graces.”

She ain’t telling me anything I don’t know, so I nod.

“When I met you, I wasn’t prepared to like you.” It’s her turn to look at the floor. “Since we’re coming clean, there’s something I need to tell you.”

My chest tightens, not liking the sound of it. “Okay.”

“It wasn’t an accident I spent time with you at the poker run.”

My brow furrows. “What’re you saying?”

“It was an order.” Shadow shakes her head. “And I’m violating club rules and loyalty telling you this.” The anguish on her face is deep, and she puts her hand against her forehead and covers her eyes. “Shit. This sucks.”

I move closer, take her other hand, and softly say, “Talk to me, Shadow. What was the order?”

“I was supposed to shadow you.” She lets out a humorless laugh. “Keep an eye on you at the run. I was pissed, but I did it.” She removes her hand from her face, and her eyes show her struggle. “I wasn’t expecting this to happen. For me to feel the things I’m feeling. It wasn’t in the plan.”

I push my anger aside. While I’m pissed at being set up, I’m more interested in what other feelings she’s talking about.

“Are you mad?” she asks and lowers her gaze.

“At you, no. You were following orders. But I’d like a word with Wiz.”

Shadow tenses.

“But I won’t.” I put my hand under her chin to get her to look at me. When she does, I pause and gaze into her eyes. “But I’d like to hear more about these feelings you mentioned.”

“I don’t know what we’re doing, Storm. But I can’t deny how much I’ve been looking forward to today. How much I enjoy ending my evenings talking to you. For the past three weeks, I’ve told myself it’s a bad idea, but then when you showed up at my apartment and I saw your face, I thought fuck it I’ll do what I want. Then we kissed, and Jesus, it was amazing. But I thought, shit I need to stop this, but I don’t want to.”

She takes a deep breath, and I can tell she’s not done, so I remain silent.

“Being here with you…it feels right, and it’s so fucking confusing. Then you said you shouldn’t let a Grace in, and it hurt. In my mind, I’m thinking this is gonna end badly. I’m gonna get more attached, and then you’re gonna throw me to the curb. I felt like I was suffocating and needed to escape. And then you clenched your fists, and for the first time, you looked dangerous, and it scared me.”

She releases my hand and walks across the room. I want to follow, but I let her go. I want to explain, but I won’t until she’s done.