Page 127 of Slapshot Baby

The key slides in. I open my door.

Biscuit rushes me, tail going, nose jabbing at my thigh. I step inside, and before I can turn around, Kai is in the doorway. He steps inside and closes the door behind him.

I want to tell him to leave but don’t.

He leans on the door. “Why do you keep running from this?"

How he delivers those words without raising his voice, I can’t tell. Yelling I can match. This steady attitude of his is the thing I have no defense against.

I drop my bag on the kitchen counter. The figurines rattle inside the paper sack.

"What do you want from me? A signed contract? A blood oath? You want me to stand here and recite my feelings so you can file them away?"

He comes closer. I walk behind the kitchen counter to create some distance between us.

He sighs, wiping his face with his hand. “Why didn’t you answer me at dinner?"

"I answered you."

"You told me not to ask. That's a locked door not an answer."

"Maybe it's a locked door for a reason, Kai."

"Maybe. But I'm sitting on the other side of it and I'm done with all that."

"Go home, Kai."

"No. I've been patient for months. I've asked you to be my girlfriend and you've dodged it every single time, and I've let you because I figured you'd tell me yes or no soon enough. But you never get to it."

I yank open the cabinet and pull out a mug. Slam it on the counter. Grab the kettle, fill it, bang it onto the burner.

"You said you were mine, Ava. Those were your words in my bed, with your eyes open, your body wrapped around mine." His voice is low and bitter. "So you want to keep fucking me but you don’t want to be my woman?"

I spin around. “That’s not what this is about?”

“Then what’s it about? Why can’t you answer a simple question?”

"It is not a simple question. Being someone's girlfriend means something to me, Kai. It means I'm all in. It means I don't get to keep one foot near the exit. It means if you decide to… to…”

My voice is too loud.

But the whistle of the boiling kettle is louder. I turn off the burner and wrap my arm around me.

Biscuit has retreated to her bed in the corner, tail tucked, ears flat.

Kai steps closer.

“If I decide to do what?” he asks gently.

“If you decide to walk out that door, I’m the one left standing here with nothing. I've seen what 'all in' looks like when the other person leaves. It's the ugliest thing ever."

I make my tea. Maybe it will steady me and stop these tears sliding down my cheeks.

Kai comes around the counter and wraps his arms around me. I lean on him, my back on his chest.

“Who did that to you?” he asks.

“My father,” I whisper.