Page 123 of Make Me Laugh

Lilly fucking Hollow knows who I am. Lilly fucking Hollow reached out to me!

She continues. “I want the directors working beside me to not only reflect my own values, but to live them in their everyday life.” I hear the smile on her lips when she speaks again. “Before I came across your professional profile, I’d thought to myself multiple times over the three years I’ve followed Hex, how unfortunate it was I couldn’t find someone like her but with a business background too.” She laughs, sighing at the end. “See? Everything happens at its own pace.”

She goes on to tell me about the position she’s looking to fill.

Chief of Marketing at Hell & Hollow Publishing. Jo Daniels, CMO. I picture the title in my email signature.

The company’s ready for a big rebrand next year, financially in a position to up the ante and help more writers get their stories out there.

The budget she has is massive. I almost drool when we start talking numbers.

Lilly asks about my professional life, my time at Harvard, and bluntly follows with the admission that she knows I was let go from Vyce Talents.

We talk about that for a while and how it led me to where I am now. “I hadn’t been happy for a long time. I was going through the motions of a life I’d worked really hard to get, just to feel, for lack of a better word, hollow, when I was let go from a company I’d taken such a big risk on.”

I think it’s why I’m so afraid to take them now… On top of everything else.

I’m not sure why it took me so long to realize that. “And then I met West, in the most unconventional way, but my life changed overnight. I went from VP to the unemployed woman behind Hex’s mask.” I don’t know why I’m telling Lilly this—it’s probably because she’s a stranger, and it’s easier, but I think it might be the first time I’m registering why I’ve been fighting this with him so hard. “When West asked me to come on tour with him the first time, I laughed in his face…” I hear Lilly chuckle on the other end of the phone like she understands. “And then the video went viral and the businesswoman in me went nuts. I saw dollar signs.” There are still so many dollar signs. I’ve made more money in six weeks than I did an entire year at Vyce. “I hadn’t thought at all what this would do for me. Personally.” I bite my lip. “The happiness it would bring back into my life.”

There’s a moment of silence, but it doesn’t feel taut or out of place.

“So, is this your way of saying you’re not interested in the position because you’ve found your forever?” The way Lilly asks the question makes me pause.

What is she really asking?

Is this thing with West my forever… Or is he?

“I would definitely never, ever, not in a million years tell Lilly Hollow I’m not interested in a job she’s calling me about.” We both laugh at that. “I’m not an influencer. I mean—” I take a breath and roll my eyes. I have to stop feeling silly when I say it. It’s a hard, hard thing to do. I respect the people who make this their entire lives. I’ve just never wanted it to be mine. “I guess, I am… Now. But that’s something I want to do after work as an escape, after going into Corporate America and paving the way for the women like us of the future.”

Tattoos and what I like to do in my personal time should have no measure on who I am as a business professional.

I can have both. I deserve both.

“I was really bummed when I saw your first email was from before all this happened…” I don’t realize I’m telling her this until the words are already out. “I fought with every what-if I could for hours. What if I had seen this email when you first sent it? What if I had, but it wasn’t the right time?”

What if I had taken the job and never met West?

What if I never met West?

That’s the part I think about the most.

I wouldn’t have been sulking on the couch, and Frankie wouldn’t have forced me to get dressed up on what felt like the worst day of my life. I wouldn’t have had a one-night stand that rewired my brain chemistry. Hex wouldn’t have been doxxed… And I’d still be the same scaredy-cat I was before, with a big girl job hiding behind a mask.

“We all have those what-if moments. I have a few myself.” Talking to Lilly gives me this sense of calm I wasn’t expecting. “It’s the true tell of a good businesswoman, I think.”

I nod, staring off into a daze when I reply. “I’m glad I didn’t see it.” Maybe I shouldn’t have said it, but it’s the truth, and I think that’s what Lilly’s looking for.

Lilly doesn’t hesitate to respond. “Me too. You needed to find yourself.” This woman doesn’t know me, but she gets me. Sometimes you just know… and I can feel it. “Listen, Jo.” The world around me slows. “I was interested in interviewing you before I knew you were Hex. Finding out you’re both only makes me more confident this is the right fit for my company.”

Hearing those words sends a rush of something I don’t recognize careening through my bloodstream. Pride? Relief? Dread? I don’t have time to process it before she continues. “But.”

No, not a but…

“That doesn’t mean that Hell & Hollow is the right fit for you.” Time stops completely, and life comes crashing in behind it. “I want you to think about this offer, because the job’s yours if you want it.”

Holy fucking shit.

I don’t interrupt, but my hand does shoot over my mouth just to make sure. “As your fan, I want you to consider what you want your life to look like in five, ten years. Where do you want to be, and who do you want there with you? Take it from me… It’s lonely at the top if you have no one to share it with. It took me a long time to learn that.”