Page 83 of Checking Out the Librarian

“Then I’ll have to.” Connor’s voice had deepened, and he sounded mildly threatening. Over a birthday. Jonathan’s birthday.

“It’s no big deal.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.” Extraordinarily, Connor’s expression had edged into Russian coach territory, as if birthdays brought out a wildly controlling side of a man Jonathan usually found to be easy-going.

Connor left quickly enough that neither Lily nor Boss Becca had re-emerged, and the remainder of the day passed uneventfully. There was only one sanitation emergency in the men’s restroom that he had to address, which was a cheerfully low number for a Wednesday, although not as low as Sunday when he didn’t work.

That evening he and Connor took Ribby for a short hike in the gap between work and dinner, and Jonathan learned how to put protective booties on dog feet, because it was totally normal that Connor had a high maintenance dog. The man clearly excelled at caring for needy companions of all numbers of legs.

Then they stopped at a pub with a large outdoor patio that Jonathan had wanted to try, but not alone, before they went back to Connor’s house. There were times Connor might have been inquiring about returning to Jonathan’s apartment, for a change or maybe for a next-step thing, but he ignored that.

If Connor saw his place, so small and filled with used furniture and silly decorations and too many clothes, he’d know Jonathan wasn’t remotely his equal.

His brain recognized that he was stalling. For the whole better-person-better-life experiment to succeed, for this to become the version of more that his brain and his stomach told him could be possible, he was going to have to invite Connor all the way in. But Connor and Ribby were a package, and neither his apartment nor his possessions were dog-friendly.

They were his, after all, and he wasn’t particularly dog-friendly.

In short, nothing was unusual about Wednesday except maybe for Connor’s insistence on paying attention to Jonathan’s upcoming birthday and having a very stern expression whenever Jonathan balked.

It was such an intriguing reversal that Jonathan balked more, and Connor got sterner, and a very different cycle ensued that worked out for everyone. Twice.

Wednesday had started like crap and ended very well indeed.

Thursday, the day of Jonathan’s actual birthday, started with a bowl of raspberries picked in Connor’s yard, mounds of softly peaked whipping cream, and homemade scones that steamed when Jonathan cut them open.

Then it went to hell thirty minutes before morning story time.

First, a woman and a boy wearing a Lego Darth Vader shirt approached the desk where Jonathan was emptying and scanning the overnight drop-box contents. If Jonathan brought his professional knowledge to the assessment, the kid was approximately five years old.

“Are you ready?” the adult asked.

Jonathan smiled, and nodded encouragingly, and the boy took a deep breath. “Why did you invite a muchroom to your party?”

“I don’t know. Why did I?” Jonathan shrugged. Better than a knock-knock joke.

“Because he’s a fun guy!”

“That’s great! I like mushrooms. I think the story today is about a walk in the woods, maybe there will be a picture of a mushroom.” He felt zero guilt about making a promise on Lily’s behalf.

He hadn’t scanned in more than four books when another woman and child, this one a girl, came up. The girl was grinning and clutching a toy rabbit with long, floppy ears. “Are you Librarian Jona-THAN?”

“Yes, I am.” He pulled out a sticker and offered it to her. “How may I help you?”

“I have a JOKE.” That last word came out very loudly. “For YOU.”

“I’d enjoy that.” He smiled and ignored the first suspicions that made him want to look over his shoulder to check for Connor. These children were too young to be Connor’s students, and he recognized several of them as library regulars, so this wasn’t a Connor production. It was just two jokes in a row.

“What did teddy bear say to the CAKE, I mean, when mommy offered him CAKE?”

“I don’t know, what did the teddy bear say?”

“No thank you, I’m STUFFED.” She burst into laughter and honestly, it was cute.

The jokes continued, so many kids here for story time with a joke to lob at him like one of those slimy tennis balls Connor threw for Ribby, and each one worse than the previous until he felt intoxicated on the terrible punch lines.

When Lily announced the start of story time, Jonathan was laughing at “Happy Birthday to Moo” delivered by a kid wearing tulle wings and a soccer uniform who immediately ran away to flop into the listening circle.

A few adult patrons played along, too. A woman carrying a stack of cozy mysteries cornered him to ask why the skeleton skipped the party, and Jonathan barely refrained from saying because he didn’t want to hear another joke, when the otherwise lovely lady said, “He had no body to go with!” and cackled with glee.