Page 22 of Back Outside Edge

His hand is still on my thigh, above my knee. All at once, I notice he is rubbing tiny circles with his thumb. Has he been all along?

The churning in my stomach builds and builds. And my breath is moving faster. And his eyes are so beautifully brown. And his fingers, that thumb, his shoulder, are the only things in the entire world I can feel. The tiny points of connection. My own hand falls on his, stilling it for a moment. And I can see he is waiting, breath caught, for my reaction.

“Stefan?” His voice is the softest caress. A question and a statement all in one. My name breathed onto my own lips.

I don't know how to answer his question.

This isn't the first time I've ever been this close to somebody. Had this feeling roiling through me. But it is the most intense. And it's never been with a man.

If it were a girl, I would have leaned over and kissed her by now. It's the obvious solution to these butterflies, the electric sparks that won't stop. But it's not.

This is Evan. A man. And not just any man. The man whose skating I idolize. A man who is in direct competition with me. Who is currently beating me in that competition.

I live in the figure skating world. I'm no stranger to man on man action; at least half of my friends are gay, even if most of them aren't out publicly. But at no point in the last however many years since I started thinking about sex has it occurred to me that I might be somewhat like them.

Shouldn't that mean I'm not?

But if I'm not, why are Evan's lips so tempting? Why does every cell in my body want to move in?

What would happen if I did?

Chapter 10

Evan

Stefan's eyes are so intent on me I’m about to combust. He's been frozen for forever, and I don’t want to be the first to move. I can’t break this perfect, terrifying moment, lest it be gone forever. Not when Stefan is so close I can feel him in every pore.

This must be a reaction to his performance, and I’m taking advantage of his vulnerability. I shouldn't let this happen. I should be responsible, stop him from looking at me like that, but... I'm desperate for it, for him.

He is so beautiful. Even with his hair stringy with dried sweat, his musky scent overpowering the terrible hotel products. It’s intoxicating, knowing I’m smelling Stefan stripped down. Something usually erased by showers.

The world is still around us, only the thud of our hearts and our rapid breathing breaking the silence. He leans forward one millimeter, then two, in the most incremental of approaches. I'm holding my breath, waiting, hoping, as I try to calm my nerves and expectations. Knowing I shouldn’t be doing this, it’s all wrong. Please, Stefan, please. I want to taste you. I need to taste you.

My phone rings. Loud and obnoxious, shattering the silence.

Both of us jump, Stefan jerking back like he's been shot. His eyes skitter away from me, and he thumps back against the headboard, breathing deeply, not looking at me. The moment is obliterated.

I'm lost, dizzy, trying to wrap my head around what happened, at the same time as I’m reaching into my pocket for my still ringing phone. A lump in my throat turns my greeting into a croak. I clear my throat, then try again. "Hello?"

Stefan almost kissed me.

“Hey,” Theresa’s voice is muffled by the noise of a crowd. “Warm-up started. Where are you?”

“Crap, sorry, I got held up at my room.” It's one way of putting it. How did so much time pass so quickly?

“Uh oh. Are you still alive? Did your pissed-off roommate murder you, and I'm talking to your ghost?”

Heat rushes up to my cheeks. Stefan, only about a foot away from me, can probably hear her. “No, it was fine. It is fine. I don't think he blames me, actually.”

Stefan turns his head toward me and flashes me a dazzling smile. My poor, abused heart stops. “Maybe just a little bit,” he murmurs, as if he's not terrified of what almost happened.

If he's already back to teasing me, he’s recovering quickly and maybe not freaking out about the last few minutes. At least not yet.

"Oh, is that him?" Teresa's voice is teasing as well but also a little awed. Not soft enough, Stefan. “Wait.” She's quiet for a moment, and even from a block away, I'm sure she's suspicious of something. “Am I on speaker phone? Why am I on speaker phone?”

What? Speaker phone? When I pull the phone away from my ear, my face burns hotter. Crap. I must have hit the button when I answered, too flustered to notice. “Um... Yeah. You are, actually.” I’m sure I sound a little strangled. I feel a little strangled. Like I’m caught between two forces certain to tear me to pieces by teasing. Defeated, I toss the phone down on the mattress next to me. No point in fighting it.

Stefan gives his little signature half-snort laugh as he raises his eyebrow at me.